


What is the name of the game?

by Magic_Rosie



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-05 17:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magic_Rosie/pseuds/Magic_Rosie
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy split up three years ago. Bellamy misses the love of his life and following an accident forces him out of the services he fights to get his girl back learning the truth behind why they split. Can he get clarke back or will she marry FInn?  What is Clarke hiding?





	1. I miss you

Dear Bellamy.

I hope this letter finds you well and life at sea isn’t too bad. I know it has been a long time since we talked but I am writing to you as I feel there are some situations back home you need to be aware of. I know the two people who should be telling you probably won’t and you will understand who I mean as this letter goes on.

I want to start Bellamy by telling you that you are very much missed, by us your family, your friends and by Clarke. Your absence has hit her and Octavia a lot harder than either of them would admit right now.

I know you will have had your reasons for why you have stayed in the services, I know your reasons were the right ones for you at the time but I also know what that decision has cost you. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have lost your sister and the love of your life in one go, I know personally I wouldn’t have been able to cope. With the recent changes here, I wanted to let you to be aware of what is happening for both Clarke and Octavia, as if you want to build the gaps, now might be the right time for a reconciliation.

I have asked Octavia to tell you this, more honest I have begged her but she has refused. As her brother and the person who brought her up, I want you to know our very happy news. I am delighted to say that Octavia is four months pregnant, we had the sixteen week scan last week. We are very happy as we have been trying for a while and we cannot wait to meet our little one. We have decided to keep the gender a surprise, it will be good for Octavia to learn some patience. You should be an uncle to our baby Bellamy, I know how amazing you would be and how much Octavia wants it.

I am hoping the expansion of our family might mellow O and make her start to realise that the decision you took to stay on tour for three more years was not taken lightly. I know she misses you immensely but as part of the Blake structure, she is stubborn and will be unlikely to be the one to make the first move. You have respected her wishes and stayed away Bellamy but now is the time to come back into each other’s lives before you miss any more of each other, before you miss your niece or nephew growing up. I cannot force you to do anything Bellamy but I would hope this may be the opportunity you and O need to become the inseparable siblings you once were. She loves you, she needs you and she misses you, in the same way I believe all of these things apply the other way around.

Whilst I feel I have the right to tell you about Octavia, I am battling with the news I have for you regarding Clarke. I don’t think she would want me to tell you but I know deep down she misses you and wishes you were still together. You know Clarke can be a closed book but she at times lets her guard down regarding you and has admitted to O that she still loves you.

Clarke is not the same spirit as she was when you two were together, she is quieter and can appear sad. She lives inside her head and I know she thinks of you, like O, she misses you. I am sure she still is in love with you despite having appeared to move on.

Finn proposed to Clarke last month, it was a very public proposal, the kind of thing she hates but she did say yes although she did give the impression this was more due to expectation from her mother than her wanting to. I am aware of the confrontation that happened between you and Finn last year, you warning him of as he wasn’t good enough for her. It clearly showed you were jealous that she was with him now and I think Clarke noticed that as well.

Due to working with Clarke, I have got to know here very well and in my honest opinion Bellamy I do not think she is happy with this engagement. She is not happy or excited in the way when you to were engaged. That is either due to her past experience (sorry) or the fact she doesn’t actually want this.

I think if you were prepared to fight for her, there may still be a chance between you two. You two are meant to be together and I hope one day I get to witness that.

When you called off the engagement and returned to the sea, you broke Clarke’s heart Bellamy.  
I don’t need to tell you that and I do wonder if you now regret the decision you made. I think you have your reasons and I do not think it wasn’t due to you not loving Clarke, I know she is the love of your life and I imagine you miss her in the way she misses you. I cannot imagine how you are coping without the people you love the most in your life.

I only wanted to share the information with you, it is up to you how you use it. I hope you have a good few months on tour and that you stay safe. Maybe you could come visit us once you are home.

Best Wishes

Lincoln

 

 

Lincoln,

Thank you for writing to me. It was a surprise to get your letter. I haven’t really been able to write to the people I want to the most for the last few years.

Your letter has filled me with mixed emotion. I am so happy for you and O, you will be amazing parents and I would like to wish you my congratulations. I know you will but please look after my sister, I imagine a pregnancy will test her (and you!). I wish I could have heard this from O but I understand why she has shut me out.

As always you are right in your summary of me, as soon as I signed up to the third tour I hated myself. I had this sense of loyalty to my country and my guys and it has cost me dearly. The day we started we all said we would stay together until the end. I was due to leave, I wanted to leave when Clarke left as medic but once news of the war broke out, I knew I had to stay with my team.

I sense you are under the impression that I left Clarke, I knew she didn’t want to do another tour, she had seen enough and as a medic, I didn’t really want her in the thick of things like she could have been. I was scared I would lose her. I had hoped we were strong enough to survive a final tour, we were used to being apart and I was sure she would understand. The day I was told I had to sign by, she was still away on tour, I was desperate to talk to her but I couldn’t get hold of her. In the end I signed us as the rest of my team did.

I knew Clarke wouldn’t be happy but I hoped she would come around once I had a chance to talk to her. Somehow she knew before I could tell her, explain things to her and I didn’t hear from her for weeks. I was terrified something had happened to her. I wrote and emailed her continuously but no reply came. My boss ended up contacting the head office as he could see how concerned about her I was.

I was informed that Clarke had left the services and was no longer a medic. They refused me an address as I was no longer listed as her partner, her next of kin. I knew then she was angry with me and it dawned on me for the first time I might have lost her. I knew her silence was her way of punishing me.

Around this time, I stopped hearing from O, I presumed O had learned of what happened from Clarke and she was ignoring me to as her and Clarke were so close. I know it is what worried Clarke when we first got together that she would upset her friendship with O, I had to persuade her it was what my sister wanted.

I know I handled things wrong. I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, without explaining to either of them what I was doing. If I had done it the right way, I might not have lost both of them.

Do I regret the tour? This has been the worst tour, the losses, the injuries and now for the realisation we might be fighting a war we should not be in. I ran the risk of taking on a third tour and circumstances were against me, not being able to talk to Clarke, might have changed my stance on signing up. I could now be happily married with a normal life, a normal job. I regret this tour so much but I cannot change the past.

I am currently in recovery from a shooting. I was asked to let next of kin know but I said no as I didn’t want to reunite with either O or Clarke like that. I couldn’t handle the pity I would get as I so desperately want them both back but because they want to be. I hope that makes sense.

I am ok, I had had severed tissue damage in my arm, I am not fit for active service so I will be based on the new recruits until my service ends in April. This means I will be back in Pollis in a couple of weeks once I have been discharged from the hospital where I am currently based on the ring. I will have to continue therapy and doctors’ appointments etc but in theory I am now medically discharged.

I am then intending to return to education to try and move on with my life, maybe try teaching, Clarke once suggested it to me and like most things to do with her, it has stuck with me. I want to make a success of my future.

I know I can fix things with my sister, I miss her more than I could ever explain Lincoln, I am not used to not being there for her. I want her to be happy and safe and I know she has that with you. I cannot wait to see her as a mum, I hope she will allow me that. I am planning on talking to her once I arrive back, we need to do this face to face. If you want to tell her I am coming home, I would like that, give her time to get used to the idea and I will then do what I need to in order for her to see me.

Clarke is the hard one. She wrote to me about three months after I last saw her. She told me she couldn’t forgive me for what I had done, that I didn’t trust her enough to make a decision together that would impact on us both as a couple. She doubted that I loved her. I wrote to her begging her to know that I love her, that will never change. She was my world. I never heard from her again so I assumed she wanted nothing more from me. I was already low from losing contact with O, with being away, we had just lost Dax and I was struggling. Losing Clarke pushed me into depression and I didn’t have it in me to fight for her, I was at such a low place I thought she was better off without me. I recognise the fact now I wasn’t myself at that time, I made bad choices and am still suffering the consequences. I should have come back to her, I should have made time to talk to her first.

Until recently I convinced myself it was best she was free of me, I knew she was Finn and I was jealous. She was dating someone in the services when she had made it clear she didn’t want that with me. I now hope this was due to the fact we were meant to leave together and not because she didn’t want me. I know Finn is a good guy, I hope he can make her happy as that is all I want for her. I reacted badly when I saw them last year. I was on leave and I had a small hope that if I saw her, she would take me back. When I saw her, it was like I could breathe properly for the first time in over a year. The hardness of life left me but then I saw Finn and it was him she smiled at, him who got to hold her, him whose bed she shared, the reality of what I let go so easily hit me. I know I shouldn’t have hit him, I will admit I was jealous, he had the woman I still considered mine, the holder to the key of my heart. Heartbreak doesn’t cover how I felt seeing her happy with someone else. Especially when you know it is your own fault she is with someone else.

I walked away from that situation, I know she followed me but I pretended not to notice her. It took everything I had to walk away from her again and ensure she had the happy life she deserved although all I wanted was to scoop her into my arms and never let her go. I couldn’t take the risk of her rejecting me. I wish I had talked to her, listened to her, even if it was just to say how sorry I am.

I finally let myself grieve for her after that night. I had held on to the hope we were just on a break, we could survive our separation as I loved her so much. I knew she had loved me; you don’t share what we had without knowing that. Seeing her with someone else made me realise she had moved on, she was happy, I loved her and all I want was for her to be happy. I may be selfish in wanting her for myself, but I am ok as long as I know she is happy.

The months following that night were torture, I spiralled out of control with my drinking and not listening to my superiors. I risked my own life, I stupidly risked the lives of others around me. That made me realise I had to accept what I had lost. I have rebuilt my life Lincoln, I have accepted Clarke is where she is, I am not sure I have the right to intrude on her life after all of this time. I want to, I know we could be us again but maybe that is just wishful thinking for me. I hate to hear that she is unhappy but I don’t know if hearing from me is what she needs. I will think about it but I can’t promise you anything. I want to fight for her but I am not sure I can run the risk of upsetting her with something she may consider to be the past. Whilst she is the love of my life, I have to put her first.

Please look after Clarke and O for me, I appreciate what you do for them. I will contact O once I am home. I am safe and I am coming home soon.

Bellamy

 

 

 

Bellamy,

Thank you for getting back to me, we were all pleased to hear from you. We were shocked to hear of your injury, your sister is angry that you didn’t let her know but at least now she is wanting to see you. She is planning to visit you as a “surprise” once you are home.

Your words gave me a dilemma over Clarke. I was concerned you guys were apart due to miscommunication so I gave Clarke the decision. I informed her I had written to you and that I had a reply that revealed a lot about your break up, I let her decide whether or not to read your letter.

I now know she has read your letter. She was upset by your words but more because she realised there was more to the situation than she had realised. I wouldn’t be surprised if you hear from her when you return. She has called of her engagement to Finn and they are currently on a break. She still loves you Bellamy, that much is obvious, please don’t give up on her without trying. I fear you would regret it for ever and at least this way you will know her feelings one way or the other.

Stay safe and I hope your recovery goes well. See you soon.

Lincoln

 

 

 

Dear Clarke,

First thank you so much for the books and music you sent, they will help me in my recovery as I am already bored of what I have. I appreciate the gesture, so much, thank you.

The shooting was unexpected but I am lucky, I have minor damage compared to what could have happened. You know this life and how volatile it can be. I am in pain but managing my medication and therapy plans. I will get through this and this down time has given me a lot of time to reflect over the past. Mainly our past.

I have been planning on writing to you for the last couple of weeks, I understand you know I have been in contact with Lincoln but I wasn’t sure if you would want to hear from me.

I hear Finn proposed and you said yes, I wish I could say to you I am happy for you. It may be selfish of me but I can’t princess as the reality is you should be marrying me. If I hadn’t of hurt you, we would have been married by now. We might have been a proper family, the one thing I have always longed for. You to be my wife, the mother of my children.

I am so happy for Octavia; she will make a brilliant mother but I cannot help but envy her. She has everything I want, a loving secure marriage, a normal job, a lovely home and now a baby on the way. I cannot help but keep thinking that should be us.

We never talked about what happened. We should have done, maybe we could have saved the amazing thing we had between us. I feel we have unfinished business between us as we were never officially over, not in my eyes anyway.

I will be home in two weeks Clarke, 14 February, and I am hoping you will be prepared to see me. I just want to talk; I just need to know you are happy but I want to resolve these unspoken things between us as I feel it would be good for both of us if we did this. I know this is a lot to ask of you Clarke but I need to see you. I don’t expect anything from you in return, just the chance to see you is all I ask.

I officially leave the Navy in April, I am on desk duty taking on new recruits as it is the criteria to obtain my pension now I am medically discharged. It is not my idea of Navy life but it will mean I can come home and be near Octavia and my friends. And you.

Losing you was the worst mistake of my life, the biggest regret I will ever have. I tried to get hold of you that day, I wanted to talk to you about it but I couldn’t reach you wherever you were. I was under pressure to make a decision and I thought I would have time to talk to you about it, discuss the practicalities of it with you before we went overseas. I never imagined I would leave that day. I thought we could make it work whilst you were on med training as the timing was the same. I thought I would have the chance to see you before I left. I thought a lot of things, just never what actually happened.

I didn’t want to go Clarke but I was torn between you and my group. Together or not at all, it is what we always said. Stupid I know but we stuck by that and now most of the group are dead. I am the lucky one who escaped with hurt nerves and a broken heart. I knew you would be upset but I thought we would survive this. I believed in us so much I thought it was possible.

Those few months after I left for the war and I heard nothing from you were hell, I knew you were mad at me but getting that letter from you telling me you didn’t think I loved you enough tore me in two. I wanted to talk to you about my decision, I tried princess but I physically couldn’t reach you. You are the person I love the most, I trust you with my life, I wanted this to be a joint decision and I now know I made the wrong call and I will regret it forever. I tried to pour my feelings in to the letter I sent you then, but I realise now that my anger at you for thinking I didn’t love you shone through in that letter. I have always loved you, I am still in love with you. I didn’t mean to be angry with you, I am so sorry.

I am also sorry I put the Navy before you, before you the Navy was my life, was the most important thing to me as it had provided me and Octavia with a financial foundation we had never had before. Meeting you changed everything for me, you were the challenge I had never had. From the moment I met you I knew you were special, you didn’t put up with me like other woman had and I fell hard for you immediately. Arguing with you was more fun than I would ever let you know, getting to know you and fighting my growing feelings for you was hard whilst trying to maintain the friendship you wanted. When you finally agreed to date me I was so happy. I know our relationship moved quickly but it was meant to be. You gave me the stability and commitment I never thought I would have, you were (are) the woman I wanted to grow old with, marry and have a family with. The day you said yes to marrying me I was sure I had everything I ever wanted.

I lost so much on the day I left, I didn’t just lose you but I lost our future as well. We could have had everything and I let you go far too easily.

Miller believed I had depression after we split up, I gave up caring as I had nothing left to live for and I nearly destroyed myself and the others around me. It is hard for me to write, but these are all things I want to share with you if you will let me. Losing you and O hit me very hard, my decision to stay was the wrong one and I now know this. I wish I could turn the clock back Clarke but I can’t.

When I came home last year, I was desperate to see you. We were on a break following an explosion, the one which killed Dax and brought Murphy home injured. I was really struggling by this point but I was convinced that life would be fine once I was home. I thought we could talk and you would somehow manage to forgive me. It never occurred to me that you might have moved on. I wasn’t prepared to give up fighting for you.

Seeing you for the first time in a year was something else, I relaxed and felt I could breathe easier again. I saw you walk up the street and I felt like I was home. I was about to come up to you when I realised Finn was chasing you, I saw you hug him and him kiss you. I saw red which is why I pulled him off you. I never meant him any harm, I have no issue with the man apart from that he had taken my place by your side. My issue was I was jealous. He was with my girl and I hated him for it.

I walked away as I realised what I was doing was wrong, I knew you had followed me, that gave me some hope that you had left him to follow me but I pretended I didn’t hear you. I was scared you would be too hard on me and at that point I couldn’t take it.

My heart was already torn as I was away from you but that night, it completely broke as I knew I had lost you for good. I only had myself to blame and I spiralled out of control. It took me a long time to accept I had to move on for my own good as you were not going to be waiting for me as I longed for. I contented myself with knowing you were happy and when you love someone, that is all you really want for them. The reality of course is a lot harder.

I made the mistake of listening to Lincoln, please do not yell at him for this, but his words that you might still love me, might miss me, filled me with hope. Hope is something I have not felt for a long time, at least since this war started.

If I were to think that you marrying Finn would make you happy, I would have stayed away. It wouldn’t have been fair to come to you now but I have the small doubts that I might still have a chance with you. I hope I still know you as well as I think I do.

I am begging you to meet me Clarke, I want to see you, I want to talk to you. I am making no demands on you but if I don’t fight for you then I will have another regret forever. I love you princess, I miss you so much and I will always be yours. My heart and my life has been broken since the date I signed up. You are the love of my life and I would do anything for you. I cannot imagine a future without you. if there is any way I can win you back, I will do it Clarke. I know there is little possibility I can get you back but if you want me to stay away Clarke, if you are happy, then I will stay away. I will do whatever you want but I will always love you. You will always be my home.

I am back on the 14th, I am hoping we can meet soon after then if you are willing. Below is my number if you want to talk or meet up. I really hope I can see you again.

I love you Clarke, so much and you will always be my princess.

Bell x


	2. How we began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is set six years before the letter exchange in chapter 1 and jumps forward to different dates for the pair, I decided I was enjoying writing this and wanted to do a longer story than I originally planned. I wanted to give a bit more insight into Clarke and Bellamy’s relationship from how it started and how they headed towards their break up. Although Bellamy initially thinks he was to blame, I am planning to look a bit more into Clarke’s reasons for not contacting him sooner and why she decided to leave him. I have planned six chapters and I am setting myself deadlines for when I get them up to try and get me back into writing. I am now leaving the letter style writing and trying to set the scene fully – please bear with me as I am rusty with my writing and things may not be as good I want them to be! I am sticking with Bellamy’s POV although I might change to Clarke when it comes to her decisions behind the split. Thank you for the comments, they are really appreciated and I hope you enjoy the story :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know very little of the Navy so the references to titles etc may be inaccurate.

March 2012  
Bellamy walked into the bar, closely followed by his sister. Octavia rushed up to the bar where Lincoln was and he watched as the couple embraced. He was a bit embarrassed watching his younger sister putting on public displays of affection with her boyfriend, but he liked Lincoln and he could see how good he was for O. After a couple of years of being concerned of his sister’s bad choices in men, he finally felt she had met someone worthy of her.

Octavia left Lincoln and turned back to Bellamy “Lincoln is going to bring the drinks over, Clarke is already here so come and meet her” Octavia grabbed him arm and pulled him to the comfy chairs situated at the back of the bar.

Bellamy was on leave, he was half way through his second tour of duty with the Arkadia’s Navy and was looking forward to spending some quality time with his sister. He had only returned home to Arkadia today and hadn’t really wanted to come out his sister was determined he needed to come out with her, Lincoln and her new friend Clarke. Octavia had started mentioning Clarke a few months ago in their emails, she seemed to have become close to the woman and Bellamy was looking forward to meeting her. His sister had difficulty making female friends and he liked how close her and Clarke seem to have come and he had to be honest with himself that he was intrigued what the woman who was now his sister’s best friend was like.

He glanced over to the corner his sister was pulling him to and Bellamy almost stopped when he saw the woman sat there. She was sat looking at her phone, her blonde curls gently hanging down the side of her face, she had a killer figure and looked gorgeous in a simple blue lace dress. Her legs were crossed so he could admire her toned legs, could see her feet strapped into her killer heels, Bellamy could guess without the shoes, her height would be quite short.

Clarke glanced up when she heard Octavia approach and her face lit up into a bright smile. Bellamy stood back as Octavia and Clarke hugged but O pulled back to him, Clarke turned to him. She smiled shyly at him but he could see her blue eyes assessing him. Bellamy smiled back at her but he was trying to keep his composure. There was something special about this girl and he hadn’t even spoken to her yet. She was stunning but he could tell there was a vulnerability about her.

“Bell, this is Clarke, Clarke this is my brother Bellamy” Octavia smiled between the two of them  
“It is lovely to meet you Bellamy, Octavia has told me so much about you” Clarke smiled and held out her hand in greeting, Bellamy gently took her hand shaking it, amazed by how small her hand looked in his. Her pale skin was soft against his and he was pleased to see no rings on her wedding finger.  
“Likewise” he murmured, reluctantly letting go of her hand and following suit as Octavia sat down, pleased when Clarke sat down next to him. Lincoln joined the groups and handed out the drinks. “Bellamy, nice to have you home” Lincoln said clapping him on the back. “Thanks Lincoln, it is good to see you, I imagine this one is causing you trouble” He smiled as he teased his sister. “They both have, quite the double act these two” Lincoln gestured to the two woman sat between them.  
“That is enough from you Linc” Clarke laughed “Don’t give him the wrong impression of me before he even knows me, you will have to excuse Lincoln” She smiled at Bellamy and he felt a surge of happiness at talking to her, these feelings were alien to him and unexpected but he liked this woman and wanted to know her.

“So what trouble has my sister been leading you into?” Bellamy replied, his sister smirked at him and started talking to Lincoln and Bellamy focused fully on Clarke.  
“Who said it is her leading me into trouble?” Clarke replied, smirking at him as well  
“I know my sister and you seem too innocent” Bellamy joked back  
“Innocent? What has she been telling you?” Clarke looked surprised at the word  
“Just that you guys met at the library of all places, you study hard, sounds like an innocent act to me”  
“I study hard but I play hard as well” Clarke smiled at him and Bellamy could sense he was in trouble with this one.  
“What are you studying?”  
“Just finished my exams, but I was doing art and medicine”  
“Quite a varied choice but impressive, what will you be doing next?”  
“I start my medic training with the Navy next week, so I will be joining your ranks in a few months”  
“That is interesting, sorry if this sounds rude but why the Navy?”  
“Is it because I am a woman?”  
“God no, I think equality is important, even if you do look like a princess tonight, I can imagine you are as tough as old boots and will be rather intimidating. I was just curious”  
“I am not sure what I more insulted at, being called a princess or compared to old boots”  
“It is just an observation princess”  
“Great now I have a nickname do I?”  
“I think it suits you, but serious why the Navy?”  
“It is ok, a lot of people have asked me, I am unsure if I want to do medicine my whole life so I am doing what my mother did, she is now a doctor but she started as a medic in the Navy, it is where she met my Dad, but she loved it. It is a compromise but I am looking forward to it.”  
“Why is it a compromise?”  
“I really wanted to do art but my parents are keen for me to do medicine, so I decided I would do a tour or maybe two before I decide on art school or medical school. I felt being a medic, although different to a hospital, would give me an idea if I enjoy the medicine. I also wanted to follow in my parent’s footsteps, I know that sounds lame”  
“It doesn’t, I admire what you are doing, it seems a good solution until you can decide what to devote your life to. It is nice following what your parents did, you are lucky to have that.”

Clarke smiled at him and took a sip from her drink, Bellamy realised she didn’t know what to reply to that and decided to try and ease the silence now on them. “I imagine O has told you about our parents, my mother died when I was 18, I joined the Navy as I needed the financial support for me and O, she lived with our grandmother until she was old enough to go to college. Our Dad left when O was three”  
Clarke smiled at him  
“Bellamy I admire you for that, bringing up a teenager on your own cannot have been easy, I can only imagine what she was like as a teenager, especially a grieving one. You made a good decision in a very difficult situation, you should be proud Bellamy, you have an amazing career, quickly through the ranks I gather and your sister is a credit to you”  
“Thank you Clarke, so your dad was in the Navy?”  
“He retired last year, he went quite high”  
“Do you mind me asking-“  
“Jake Griffin, his name is Jake Griffin”  
“Wow, he has quite the reputation, I have briefly met him and he seems a nice man”  
“He is lovely; we are close”

Bellamy could tell he was making her uncomfortable. Finding out her father was his previous commander was quite something, the man was an impressive figure within the Navy before he left under a cloud the previous year. It suddenly dawned on Bellamy he might have upset her as she was no longer smiling. He gently touched her hand.  
“Are you ok? I am sorry if I upset you” He asked quietly, Clarke looked at him hesitantly, glancing at O who was deep in conversation with Lincoln.  
“I imagine you will have heard Dad left in a bad way last year, I don’t know everything but he gave out information he wasn’t meant to, it ended his career. It is ending my parent’s marriage as my mother doesn’t agree with what he did, the change and negativity it brought on the family. I am worried how people will react when I start because I am his daughter”  
Bellamy was surprised by her honesty but knew it would have been hard for her to admit her worries to him.  
“I wish I could tell you people won’t judge you, it is unfair but they might at the start. But they will soon see the real you Clarke, I know I don’t know you but you seem like you could conquer the world if you wanted to. I mean you are following two parents, one in medicine and one in the navy, that is impressive” he teased her gently and was happy when she laughed “Do you know anyone else in the Navy?”  
She smiled at him “A couple of people, friends who are children of some of my parent’s friends who are also enlisting and now I know you as well” Clarke admitted quietly “Thank you Bellamy”  
“What for?”  
“Trying to put me at ease when we both know it will be hard, I already have problems being a woman”  
“Who will probably beat all the men at basic training, it might be a men led job but the woman seems stronger and if not better most of the time”  
“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you are flattering me”  
“What is he flattering you about Clarkey?” Octavia piped in, Bellamy leaned back from Clarke as he realised how close they were, he smiled at her. He was annoyed with his sister momentarily as he wanted to spend time on his own with this woman, she wasn’t just beautiful, there was something about Clarke which had drawn him to her.  
“He was saying I should be ok when I start regardless of who my dad is and that I will probably beat all of the guys in my basic training” Clarke said smiling  
“He only says that because he was beaten by a woman in his basic training but he is right you will be fine” Lincoln joined in  
“Thanks man, like I don’t get enough flak from my regiment for that already now you want the newbies to know as well” Bellamy tried to recover from the laughter and teasing happening around the table at his expense.  
“So it is true?” Clarke asked, smiling innocently at him

“I should have beaten her, I made the mistake of having a heavy night the day before. I wasn’t always a saint when I was younger. No in fairness, Roma could well have beaten me, she was good and deserved it.” Bellamy replied, saddened as Roma was his first friend he lost in the Navy and it was the bit of the job he hated.  
“Did she?” Clarke asked quietly  
“Shot but it was quick. We all know the risk with this job, sorry I don’t want to give you the wrong impression” Bellamy replied  
“Were you guys?” Bellamy looked at her suddenly concerned how to reply as he didn’t want to give her the wrong impression.  
“We were for a while, nothing serious, we had fun. I was upset when she died of course, but I didn’t have the right of personal loss. We weren’t together like that.” Bellamy tried to explain to her  
“No I understand; I gather you are quite the ladies’ man from your sister” Clarke paused and smiled at him, all Bellamy could think I don’t want her to think of me like that, the player I once was, I want to stand a chance with her  
“I have a past; I am ashamed of how I acted when I was younger. I was scared to get too close to anyone, you know with my job but now if I met the right woman, I think I am ready for that heavy stuff, I envy Octavia and Lincoln, I would like that myself one day, they have shown me that the risk is worth it when you meet the right person.” Bellamy hoped he had redeemed himself against the stories his sister may have shared about his past  
“Some people are not ready to settle down too young, I thought I had met the one when I was with Lexa but turns out she was still in love with her ex. We somehow remained friends and I am attending their wedding next year.”  
Bellamy frowned in confusion trying to remember what Octavia had said about Clarke’s previous relationships.  
“I am bi Bellamy” Clarke laughed “Does that bother you?”  
“No princess not at all” Bellamy took a sip of drink “Might just be what I want to hear” He lowered her voice so only she could hear him. He smiled as she blushed, trying to hide her face in her hair.  
“Clarke come dance with me, I love this song!” Octavia called, Clarke smiled at Bellamy and pointed at the dance floor, she followed O and Bellamy sat back to watch the two girls on the dance floor. 

“I hope you will be good too her” Lincoln commented, Bellamy turned to look at him  
“What do you mean?” He asked  
“It is clear there is chemistry between you and Clarke, O thought you two would get on well, why do you think she set this up? I am just hoping you will treat her right” Lincoln replied  
“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her” Bellamy retorted  
“So you don’t want to ask her out?” Lincoln looked like he didn’t believe him  
“I am not saying that, I want to and if she does say yes I am not going to treat her as a fling. There is something about her” Bellamy replied  
“How are you going to ask her?”  
“I don’t know, maybe ask for her number at the end of the night”  
“You need to try harder than that Bellamy, Clarke is not your normal girl. She enjoys art, there is an art exhibition on at the museum, ancient Greek is the theme, it is something you can both enjoy and will impress her”  
“I wanted to see that but it is sold out”  
“Not if you work at the museum, I can get you two tickets, I will email them to you in the morning but they are only valid until tomorrow night as it is closing night of the exhibition”  
“Do you think I can ask her to join me tomorrow?”  
“That is why I am offering you the tickets, you only have three weeks leave left, make the most of the time before you are back and Clarke is on basic training”  
“Thanks Lincoln, I really appreciate this” Bellamy said “Do you want another drink?”  
“Not right now but it could be a good time to talk to Clarke” Lincoln said pointing out where the girls were. Bellamy glanced over to see a blonde hair guy trying to dance with Clarke but she kept pulling away from, his mood darkened as it was clear she didn’t want the attention this guy was giving her.

Bellamy got up from the table and easily slipped through the dancers until he reached Clarke and the random guy. Clarke had her back to him but he could tell from her stance she wasn’t very happy as she argued with the guy. As he got closer he could hear Clarke explaining she didn’t want to dance with him.  
“Come on sweetheart, you are gorgeous, dance with me, better than being lonely” The guy slurred, clearly drunk but Bellamy couldn’t blame him for trying with Clarke.  
Before he could think through his actions, he stepped up behind Clarke and slipped his arms around her pulling her into his chest, he expected her to pull away but she glanced up at him and smiled, settling into his arms.  
“Sorry mate she already has a dance partner tonight” Bellamy said  
“And you are?” the guy mumbled  
“Her boyfriend, please just back off her ok, she isn’t interested” Bellamy tried his firmer tone to get rid of this guy, he wanted Clarke to himself.  
“Shouldn’t let her out alone, sorry sweetheart I didn’t realise you were taken” The guy waved and disappeared back into crowd.  
“Sorry princess, I saw him bothering you, thought it would be the easiest thing to get rid of him” Bellamy murmured in her ear feeling her soft hair against his cheek.  
Clarke span in his arms so she was facing him, before he could pull away she slipped her arms around his neck and he tightened his grip on her waist.  
“Thank you Bellamy, some guys just don’t take the hint.” Clarke smiled up at him  
“I am sure you could have dealt with him being a Navy girl and all” Bellamy chuckled as she snorted in laughter  
“I was about to slap him but I was having too much fun to be kicked out of here” Bellamy watched as she glanced at his lips, hope rising in his chest that she wanted this too.  
“Can I ask you something?” Bellamy knew he had to ask her now, the opportunity was too good, he liked holding her close to him.  
“Anything?” Clarke said  
“I have tickets to an art exhibition, the closing night is tomorrow. It is based on Ancient Greek stories I believe and meant to be good. I was wondering if you fancied coming with me tomorrow” He held his breath as she took in what he was saying. Her face lit up and she smiled at him.  
“Are you asking me out on a date?” She asked  
“It would be my preferred option but we could go as friends if you wanted” Bellamy wanted to be honest with her.  
“I would love to go on a date with you Bell”  
Hearing her call, him that made his night, he pulled her closer to him so they could gently sway to the music which was on a slow number.  
“Maybe we could see the exhibition before dinner?” He pushed her, he wanted to spend all day with her, he wanted to get to know her.  
“Sounds good, shall I meet you there?” Clarke replied, Bellamy wanted to say he would pick her up but he didn’t want to look pushy, he wanted her to feel happy and secure about their date  
“Yeah ok, I will text you the times and we can sort it out, I will need your number though.” He murmured lowering his head so she could hear him over the music which had changed to an upbeat track.  
“I will give it to you before we go” Clarke replied before pulling his head down to hers, their lips meeting in a slow gentle kiss. Bellamy felt so happy as he tightened his hold on her, pulling her as close to him as he could. One of his hands crept up her back and cupped the back of her neck so he could angle her head allowing him to deepen the kiss. He felt her hand slide into his hair and play with his curls.  
They broke apart to get air and Bellamy rested his forehead against Clarke’s “I have wanted to do that all night” Clarke admitted softly, Bellamy gently moved his hand to caress her cheek as he replied “Me too princess, dance with me?” He caught her by surprise as he caught her hands and twirled her away from him before pulling her back into his chest. She was giggling as she leaned up to kiss him again “Idiot” she muttered.

Bellamy walked with Clarke off the dance floor to the bar, his arm was around her shoulder as they found O and Lincoln sat down on the sofas, Clarke pecked his cheek as she left to use the bathroom and he reluctantly let go of her, having enjoyed the last hour of dancing with her. Both smiled up at them “Looked like you two were having fun” Octavia squeaked as she hopped up to hug him “I knew you guys would get along but I didn’t think you would be this quick. Lincoln said you are taking her out on a date tomorrow?” She sat down and Bellamy sat down next to her.  
“Lincoln kindly gave me some tickets for the gallery tomorrow and she said she would come with me.” Bellamy couldn’t keep the smile of his face. “Before you say anything O, I intend to treat her well, there is something about her, I don’t know, she is different and it intrigues me”  
“Will it be a problem if you guys are dating when she joins up?” Octavia asks looking concerned  
“I don’t really know, I haven’t had the issue before but it should be ok as if we do date, it will have started before she is in the services” Bellamy thought, suddenly worried it could be an issue. It was weird, he had only known Clarke a few hours but she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he sensed a connection between them he had never felt before.  
“I think she could be really good for you big brother, she will not be like your other girls, she will be the challenge I think you need and she won’t stand for your nonsense” O smiled at him as Clarke reappeared.  
“Guys I am going to have to go, the mothership has requested a breakfast with me and I have no way of getting out of it and I don’t want to be wrecked for it.” Clarke announced to the group, smiling sadly “I don’t want to go” she said more quietly so Bellamy could hear her as he stood up next to her. “Hey it is ok; we all understand family restraints” He said jokingly before O punched his arm. His sister then moved forward to hug Clarke, “Thanks for coming Clarkey, call me tomorrow”  
“Thanks O, I will do, bye Lincoln, do you mind walking me to the taxi rank Bellamy?” Clarke asked him as she waved bye to Lincoln  
“Sure thing princess, after you” Bellamy stepped forward and gestured for her to lead “I won’t be long” He said to his sister and Lincoln as he followed Clarke out of the club into the lobby, he wasn’t expecting her to stop so was surprised when she turned around and pushed him against the wall.

Clarke let out a giggle and stepped closer to Bellamy, he pulled her closer to him by slipping his arms around her waist as their lips met in a passionate kiss. Bellamy felt like his skin was on fire every time she touched him. Clarke reached her hands into his hair and played with his curls, Bellamy cupped her cheek as he trailed gentle kisses along her cheek, along her jaw line tilting her head so he could kiss her neck. “Bell” Clarke murmured against him. Bellamy gently kissed behind her ear before pulling back.

“We should find you a taxi, you want to be refreshed for breakfast plus you have a date to prepare for” He murmured against her lips  
“I would rather stay with my date; I think it could turn in to good things” Clarke flirted back, Bellamy groaned  
“You are going to be the death of me I can see that already, come on we have most of tomorrow together.” Bellamy gently pulled her into his side wrapping arm around her shoulders and steered her out of the club. “Give me your phone princess, I need your number” Clarke handed him her phone and he typed in his number and pressed call. He felt his own vibrate and was happy he now had her number.  
“I will text you in the morning, let you know the time of the exhibition” Bellamy said as he handed the phone back to Clarke “But can you let me know you get home safe?”  
“O said you were a worrier” Clarke teased  
“Please Clarke” Bellamy hated the slight sense of pleading in his voice, Clarke stepped up on her toes and gently kissed him. “Of course I will, let me know about you as well ok?”  
Bellamy gently cupped her head in his hands, losing himself in the ocean blue of her eyes “Sure I will, I will see you tomorrow” He leant down to gently kiss her. “Night princess”  
“Night Bell” Clarke stroked his cheek and turned around to the waiting taxi. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled at him. Bellamy raised his arm in a wave and knew he was gone, he could see himself falling for this one, which terrified him and excited him at the same time.

The next day

Bellamy helped Clarke put her coat on as they exited the restaurant. He was so happy with how their first date had gone, they had gently flirted, laughed and talked their away around the art exhibition before spending a long time just talking and enjoying each other’s company at a local Italian restaurant. Clarke looked stunning in a simple black dress with her curls falling down in an easy wave. Bellamy couldn’t stop gently touching her or kissing her, he couldn’t believe how natural they felt together, how easily he could talk to her.

Clarke slid her hand into his and they walked along the harbour together admiring the sea.  
“I have enjoyed today Bell, so much, thank you for asking me” Clarke said as they walked  
“I have too, thanks for coming, I was hoping you would like to do it again” Bellamy asked shyly  
“Well today was the closing exhibition so I don’t think we can see that one again” Clarke replied cheekily, Bellamy playfully started to tickle her and didn’t stop until she had started running away from him. He chased her and they were both laughing until Clarke started hobbling.  
“Ok Bell, you win, these shoes were not designed for running in” She smirked at him, resting her arms on the fence in front of the sea and looking out to watch the now setting sun over the water. Bellamy linked his arms around her waist, pulling her back to his chest and resting his head on her shoulder. He breathed in the scent of her vanilla shampoo and for once felt happy, he wasn’t used to just wanting to spend time with a woman.  
“It is beautiful” Clarke murmured looking at the view before them  
“Yes you are” Bellamy whispered back in her ear “I mean it, I am not trying to flatter you, can I see you again?”  
Clarke gently raised her hand up Bellamy’s arms until she found his neck and gently pulled on him, Bellamy lowered his head and she turned her head to kiss him gently.  
“How about breakfast?” Clarke whispered against his lips  
“When?” Bellamy replied hoping he understood what she was saying  
“Tomorrow, I am not ready to let you go yet” Bellamy dropped another kiss on to her lips  
“I am not expecting anything princess, I want to do this right.” He said to her.  
“Even if we both want it, unless you don’t?” Clarke replied hesitantly  
“Hey believe me I want this, I just want you to know I want to do this properly” Clarke surged up to kiss him and Bellamy returned the affection as the sun set around them.

Three weeks later

Bellamy woke up to the sun streaming through the windows. He looked down to see Clarke still fast asleep with her head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around her. He smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. He quietly watched her knowing in a few hours he had to return to the Navy and didn’t know when he would next see his girl. They had only known each other for three weeks but they had become inseparable in that time and he had spent most of his time off with her. Bellamy knew he was falling hard and was starting to think Clarke might be it for him although he hadn’t told her that as he didn’t want to rush her. Clarke’s basic training started the following day and he knew how busy she would be in the next few months but when she was finished she should be based at the same place as his. Bellamy had already notified his superiors he was dating a new recruit as he wanted no problems for them.

Bellamy decided to get up and start making breakfast but was met with resistance when he tried to gently prise Clarke’s hold on him “No Bell, stay” she grumbled and he laughed as she was not a morning person. “Princess we need to get up, I want to make breakfast and I only have a few hours” He said gently lifting her gently off of him. Clarke raised her head to look at him, she grinned mischievously and leant up to kiss him. Bellamy tried to soften the kiss but Clarke insisted on deepening it until he pushed her back on the bed and followed her lead.

Later Bellamy was making pancakes when Clarke emerged from the shower only wearing his hoody and plopped herself at the breakfast table watching him.  
“You are a bad influence princess” Bellamy tossed over his shoulder as he made the food  
“I didn’t hear you complaining” Clarke replied “Anyway I wanted some quality time with you as I don’t know when I will next see you” Her voice dropped, Bellamy glanced over his shoulder and noticed the tears forming in her eyes. “Hey princess it is ok; we knew this would happen when we got together, come here” Bellamy held his arm out and Clarke got up and walked over to him wrapping her arms around his waist whilst he curled his arm around her shoulder, kissing her head whilst trying to prevent breakfast burning.  
“You mean so much to me Bell, it has only been a few weeks but I feel we have a future” Clarke mumbled into his chest “I have never felt like this before”. Bellamy could tell she was nervous admitting this to him.  
“I feel the same princess; you will have to dump me to get rid of me ok?” He replied, pleased when she laughed “It will be hard but we can keep in touch easily and we will just make the most of the time we do get together.”  
Clarke pulled away so she could look at him “Promise?” she asked, Bellamy ducked his head down to kiss her “Promise”.

The day went far too quickly for Bellamy’s liking, all too soon Clarke was dropping him off at the docks so he could board the Navy boat to the next mission. He had already said goodbye to his sister and Lincoln and was dreading being separated from Clarke. He dumped his bag on the line up, nodded to his mates and wrapped his arms around Clarke and held her close to him. He gently cupped her face so she would look at him, “I know it has only been three weeks but you have changed my life princess. These few weeks have been amazing and I might be saying this too quickly but I am falling for you. I am going to miss you so much but I want you to enjoy basic, you will do so well and I know you will make me proud. I will email you as soon as I can ok?” she looked up at him, her smile watery from her years. “I feel the same Bell, I will miss you, come back to me” Clarke leant up and gently kissed him. “I am so glad I met you”

Bellamy reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewellery bag. “I got you something, I want to show you how special you are to me” He said softly placing the bag in her hands. She smiled at him before opening it to reveal the charm bracelet Octavia had helped him chose. “Oh Bell” Clarke said in surprise as she looked at the charms of a tiara, a dolphin, a boat and a bell. “I hoped you would like it, O helped me chose it, the tiara as I call you princess, I was thinking fish for the sea from our first date but I didn’t like it hence the dolphin, the boat as we are both Navy and O thought the bell as you call me that, I just wanted you to have something from me” Clarke leant up and kissed him “Thank you Bell, I love it, I got you something to” She clipped the bracelet around her wrist and reached into her bag for a small parcel. “You have to go but open it once you are on the coach” Clarke said as the boat started getting ready to go, Bellamy could hear his name being called and knew he had to go, he leant down and kissed Clarke one more time. “Thank you, I will contact you as soon as I can” he gently caressed her cheek and walked towards the others, turning back to smile at her. She blew him a kiss and waved before getting in to her car.

Later that night, Bellamy sat in his bunk and opened the parcel. Inside was a packet of photos taken over the last few weeks of him and Clarke, he looked through it delighted he had images of his princess. He picked out his favourite one of the two of them – the one they took as they watched the sun set over the beach on their first date – and stuck it up on the wall relieved that he could see her face everyday when he first woke up. Bellamy finally allowed himself to admit that he knew after only three weeks, that he was already in love with her.

Three months later  
Bellamy watched as the coach pulled into the base. He was itching to see Clarke after six weeks of being separated from her. He had spent a couple of days with her when he had a weekend back at home but it was fitted around her training. As he expected, Clarke aced the basic and was well on her way to becoming a medic. Bellamy was concerned as he knew her first posting started in two weeks and he wasn’t sure how he would be knowing she was out there in constant danger. His sister had pointed out it was how she felt every time she left.

The coach stopped and the new recruits started getting off. Bellamy held back as he knew Clarke’s parents were coming to see her in and he hadn’t yet been introduced and he was more than a little nervous at meeting them. Bellamy had already spotted her father Jake standing next to a dark haired woman he assumed was Abby. He was aware from what Clarke had told him that their marriage was in trouble and he was surprised to see them there together. A flash of gold caught his attention as the sun caught on Clarke’s hair, he looked up to see she wasn’t going towards her parents but coming straight to him. A surge of happiness came to him that she was coming to him first.

“Bell” Clarke called, a huge smile lighting up her face  
“Hey Princess” Bellamy responded pulling her into his arms in a tight hug, gently kissing the top of her head “I have missed you so much” he mumbled into her hair, Clarke responded to squeezing him tighter. Bellamy pulled away slightly aware they were both in uniform and her parents were watching. “Missed you too Bell” Clarke said gently before she leaned up to peck his lips “Fancy meeting my parents?” Bellamy could tell she was nervous as she chewed her lip.  
“Thanks for the head up” Bellamy replied before leaning down to pick up her bag “Come on let’s do this”, Clarke smiled at him and he followed her to where her parents were waiting for them. This was a first for him and he was hoping to make an impression as he intended to stay with Clarke.

Six weeks later  
Bellamy and Clarke sat on the beach they had come on their first date; it was fast becoming their place. Bellamy’s head was in Clarke’s lap as he read his book and she was sketching, a small travel easel popped up in front of them. This was when Bellamy was most contempt, just spending time with his girl and they were at peace together. Clarke had now finished her medics training and signed up to her first overseas tour, due to the two regiments they belonged to, they would be based together although would work apart due to being a couple.

Bellamy raised his hand up Clarke’s arm until he could gently play with a curl of her hair. Clarke smiled down at him and gently stroked his cheek. Bellamy looked at her and yet again thought how lucky he was to have this girl in his life. He loved her but hadn’t yet felt able to tell her as he was worriedd he would scare her off.

“I love you princess” He said quietly, no longer able to keep it to himself. Clarke paused on her easel and looked at him, slightly puzzled as if she hadn’t heard him.  
“What did you say?” She replied slowly, Bellamy felt dread he had messed up and gently pushed himself up so he was sat at her level.  
“I said I love you princess” He murmured, worried about her reaction before a huge smile lit up her face. Clarke leant over and kissed him gently, caressing his cheek  
“Good because I love you to” She whispered against his lips before recapturing them, Bellamy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. When they broke apart Clarke sat with her head on Bellamy’s shoulder as they watched the waves.  
“Just as well my Dad likes you” Clarke said  
“Why do you say that?” Bellamy asked in reply  
“He told me when I was eight that he would only let me love someone who truly deserved me” She laughed  
“He knew how much trouble you would be princess, poor guy ending up with you” Bellamy replied  
“Hey” Clarke lightly punched his arm “He only likes you because you are old”  
“Old?” Bellamy faked mock outrage and started to stand up pulling Clarke with him “Brave princess, thinking she can be cheeky without getting dumped in the sea” He murmured as he tickled her. Clarke squealed to try and get out of his grasp and ran up the beach, Bellamy chased her and managed to get his arm around her waist  
“Bell, please no, I am sorry, please” Clarke begged between giggles but Bellamy just grabbed her and pulled her legs up around his waist. He walked slowly as he kissed her and soon she was melting into him. “I love you” Clarke murmured as they broke apart. “I love you too princess”

Two weeks later  
Bellamy was walking the high street of the town he was stationed in for the night, they had been given some recreational time so he decided to explore. He loved seeing the places when they stopped but had decided to slip out on his own for a bit as he needed a break from being surrounded by the guys he walked with. Bellamy stopped outside the art shop he had found online, knowing how much Clarke would love it. He wondered in, greeted by the owner and settled to have a browse. Bellamy wanted to find the best birthday present for his princess that he could and he settled on a new set of water colours and a sketchbook, he paid for the goods and headed back to the street. The shops were winding down for the day and Bellamy was enjoying the evening breeze when he spotted a small jewellery store on the corner of the town square. He ducked in hoping to find a new charm to add to Clarke’s bracelet when a display of rings caught his eye. One in particular he was drawn to; it was a simple gold band with a single diamond on it. It was lovely and just the kind of thing he knew Clarke would like. Bellamy had known he intended to propose, he wanted to marry Clarke but felt that they had only been together for six months that it was too early to ask her. Bellamy looked around the shop further and found the charms. He settled on a love heart, he could add this now Clarke knew he loved her and asked for one.

The shop assistant smiled at him, “Present?” he enquired  
“Yes, my girlfriend’s birthday” Bellamy replied  
“Not a ring?”  
“I want to but we haven’t been together that long”  
“Do you love her?”  
“Yes”  
“That is clear, you light up when you talk about her, do you think you will ask her?”  
“One day yes”  
“Do you think she will like the ring?”  
“It is the kind of thing she likes, simple but pretty”  
“It is one off”  
“Are you trying the hard sell?” Bellamy laughed  
“No, I just saw the way you looked at it, the way you can imagine your girl wearing it, even if now is too soon, you will need a ring one day, would you like to see it?” The assistant’s eyes sparkled as he walked away to get the ring for Bellamy.

Four months later  
Bellamy walked into his flat, it was strange to be home after so many months at sea and on a base. Clarke followed him as she brought up another box. Bellamy had taken the plunge and asked her to move in with him, which he could happily say she had agreed to. Bellamy felt he didn’t get to spend enough time with her and living together gave them that time. Clarke popped the box on the floor and kicked the door closed.  
“Do I have to unpack now?” Clarke demanded, hands on her hip, her charm bracelet swaying slightly with her new house charm to represent them moving in together.  
“Yes princess otherwise you won’t do it, we both know that” Bellamy said as he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her, Clarke pulled him closer leaning her head on his chest.  
“Fine, but you need to help” Clarke pouted and Bellamy bent down to kiss the pout of her lips.  
“I will but I don’t know what order you want your clothes or art stuff in now do I?” Bellamy chuckled in reply  
“You could do my books and CD’s?” Clarke asked hopefully  
“How about I do that, you unpack your clothes and then we will order pizza?” Bellamy tried to get her on side otherwise he knew how long she would procrastinate for  
“Sounds good, you know me too well” Clarke said “Thank you Bell”  
“What for?” Bellamy replied  
“Asking me to move in, it will make things so much easier when we are both on leave, Dad text me by the way asking if he could come and see us settled in” Clarke’s composure broke slightly. Bellamy cupped her cheeks and wiped her silent tears with his thumbs. “It will be ok; he can come tomorrow” He murmured trying to comfort her.  
“Six months Bell, that is all he has left and I start my next tour in four months. What if he goes whilst I am away? Whilst we are both away? It is not like my mother is there for him, not now she has divorced him” Bellamy had nothing he could say to that, he knew how hard Jake dying was on Clarke, he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and he hated that there was nothing he could do, all he could do was be there for his girl so he held her tight to him whispering sweet nothings in her ears to remind her that whilst she may lose Jake, he would be there to get her through it.

Three months later

Bellamy stood watching Clarke with her mother. Both were dressed in black and Bellamy could tell they were arguing. Abby stormed off and Clarke sat down on the chair playing with the rose charm Bellamy had added to her bracelet on their anniversary. Bellamy walked gently towards her and crouched down in front of her and tilted her head so she looked at him. His heart was breaking for her as he had never seen her this upset, she has stayed strong all day at the funeral but he knew how hard Jake’s death had been for her. Bellamy knew he couldn’t make it better for her, he could just be there, so he wrapped his arms around Clarke’s waist and pulled her to him. Clarke slipped from her position on the chair in to his lap, she lay her head on this shoulder and sobbed into his shirt. Bellamy rocked her and just tried to reassure her that she had him and he would never leave her.

Eighteen months later

Bellamy was running Clarke a bath; it had been their last day of leave together before they both began their final tour. Clarke had decided she wanted out of the Navy, she no longer wanted to do medicine and was planning to go to art school the following year. Bellamy had encouraged her to apply to med school as well just to keep her options open as he knew that is what Jake wanted for her. Their regiments were being separated and they could expect to be apart for up to six months, the longest ever time as they were both being sent to different areas. Bellamy was dreading being apart as they had both been based at home for the last year and were almost a normal couple. Being away from Clarke was getting harder and he had agreed to make this his final tour. He couldn’t do this again.

Clarke walked into the bathroom and hugged him as he stood up. “Join me” She murmured into his ear. Bellamy was happy to agree as he didn’t want to spend a moment of tonight away from her. “I will just grab my book princess” He said. He left the room, grabbing his book. On impulse he changed into his dressing gown and slid the engagement ring he had bought months ago into his pocket. He was waiting for the right time but kept stalling as he wanted it to be perfect. Bellamy had hoped he would be engaged by now as he wanted something for them both to look forward to when their tours ended.

When he returned to the bathroom, Clarke was already in the bath, she had lit candles and poured in her favourite bubbles. Bellamy stripped out of his gown, leaving it in easy reach and slipped in behind her resting his back on the bath, his legs either side of Clarke. She rested back against him and he slid his arm around her waist and they both started reading their books. Bellamy felt so relaxed in the warm water, his girl happy, he could almost forget about their impending separation.

Bellamy put his book down and gently kissed Clarke’s shoulder. She turned around and smiled at him. He reached forward to caress her cheek. “You know how much I love you don’t you?” Bellamy said softly, Clarke nodded and leant backwards to kiss him. “I love you too Bell” She replied as Bellamy wrapped both his arms around her pulling her closer to him still.

“The thought of being away from you for so long is killing me” Bellamy said sadly  
“Know we feel the same way then; I keep hoping my phone is showing the wrong date.”  
“Do you regret moving in?” Bellamy started  
“No why?” Clarke looked at him curiously  
“I have loved living with you, even if you are not as tidy as someone in the Navy should be” Bellamy laughed “I am so glad O introduced us, I want to spend my life with you”  
“You will Bell” Clarke said gently  
“Marry me” Bellamy finally asked her  
“What?” Clarke shrieked in his ear  
“Ok, please don’t deafen me” Bellamy chuckled “Clarke I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You have changed my life completely and I never want you away from me. I love how we argue, I love how stubborn you are, I love how you get me completely, I love being with you, I love knowing you love me. Will you marry me princess?”  
Clarke turned around so she could face him, her whole face lit up “Yes Bell”  
Bellamy sat up and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. He had never been happier, Clarke was going to be his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am enjoying writing this but ant comments are greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoyed it :)


	3. Goodbye Bellamy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of time jumping from Clarke ending the relationship to her reply to Bellamy's last letter. Back to letter format in this one.

April 2015

Clarke,  
I don’t know what is going on princess but this is my ninth letter in as many weeks. Please can you reply to me, just to let me know you are ok. I have contacted the HQ and they have advised me you have left; I am no longer your next of kin (?) so I do not know where you are. I understand you are angry with me princess, I know I should have talked to you, I did try to get of you but I couldn’t and I had to sign up on the day. I miss you so much and not hearing from you is hell. I know you are angry with me Clarke. You know what is it like to be on tour and not know how the person you love the most is. I know I have hurt you, but I love you so much, we can get through this princess, please just let me know you are ok. I should have leave in June, we can talk and sort this out. Please don’t give up what we have princess. I love you.  
Bell x

Early May 2015

Princess,  
I know you are angry but please just let me know you are ok, please Clarke, I am begging you. We are getting married in September, we need to sort this out.  
I miss you. I love you  
Bell x

Late May 2015

Princess, my leave has been postponed until August. This tour is very hard and demanding and not hearing from you is making it worse, I know it is my fault but we need to sort this out. Please can you email me, write to me, text me, just something. I need to talk to you. Please princess I love you.  
Bell x

June 2015

Bellamy,  
Writing this letter has been hard. I received your letters when I returned to the flat to pack up my belongings, I have been away since my tour ended. I cannot forgive you for leaving me, you promised me the last tour was your final one. You lied to me and I never thought you would. You left our plans, our plans to travel, our wedding, you left me. You have hurt me more than I ever thought possible and I needed time to think about what that means for our relationship. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t put our relationship first. You made this huge decision which would affect us for three years without even considering me, if you had wanted to reach me Bell, you could have done. Or you simply could not do the tour, like we promised each other. Upon reflection I do not feel you can love me enough to put me and our relationship before your career, I would have done anything for you. I am walking away Bell; I am not prepared to wait another three years before we can live our plans. What we had is gone, I have cancelled the wedding and I have moved out of the flat. I have left it empty for now as I am not sure what you want to do with your stuff. I didn’t think this is how we would end up Bellamy but you can never tell how things will work out, I hope you have a good tour, please stay safe. Please just leave me alone. What we had is gone. Goodbye Bellamy.  
Clarke

 

  
July 2015

Princess,  
I thought I knew you but clearly I don’t. Your apparent doubts in my feelings for you shows that. How dare you accuse me of not loving you enough when you are the most important person in my life. Or were. I know I messed up Clarke, I wanted to make it right but you just wouldn’t let me would you. Regardless of what you think Clarke, I love you more than anything and I always will. Please don’t do this.  
Bellamy

Late January 2018

Hi Bell,

I don’t really know what to write. I am so glad you are ok after being shot, I sent you the items as I can only imagine how bored you may be getting not on active service. I wish you had let me or O know you were in hospital; you shouldn’t have been on your own. I would have come to you Bell; I hope you know that. Whatever has happened between us, I still care for you and want you to be safe. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Lincoln told me he had been in touch with you and that you had said a lot of things about our split. He gave me the option of reading your letter and I was torn Bell. Part of me was desperate to know how you were and part of me was wanting to leave the hurt of what happened between us in the past. I will admit that part of me was also curious to know how you are now.

I am pleased to hear of your plans to get into teaching, you will be brilliant at that and it will a nice change for you after nearly ten years at sea.

I won’t lie Bell; I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I have learned to live with knowing I miss you as well as the fact that I am still in love with you. I will always love you Bell but I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I walked away as at the time, I felt you had walked away from me, from our plans and that broke my trust in you.

I regret how I handled the situation, I was having a really bad time when you left, it hurt knowing you just went without talking to me but I understand now how difficult that would have been for you. I should have been more understanding, you are right, we probably could have made it work. It was cruel of me to ignore you for so long but I genuinely didn’t know what to do Bell, I wish I had told you what was happening but I didn’t. I am so sorry.

I don’t want you to think you are solely responsible for our split, yes you did sign up but you had the group pact and I respect that. I know what it meant to you guys in the same way my own unit decided against going. I wouldn’t have gone anyway for particular reasons but I had enough of the Navy and needed to try something new.

You have every reason to hate me, my reaction was unfair and I deeply regret it. I should have written to you or agreed to see you when you were on leave. I shouldn’t have ended it in the way I did. We are both to blame for the split Bell, I should have made more of an effort with you.

I wasn’t completely honest with you when things ended, I knew you loved me. I am so ashamed of myself for saying it and I am so sorry for the hurt this must have caused you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I have no excuses, I was so upset that you left, I was scared for you as the rumours of this war were that it would be vicious and there was so much other stuff going on, I took the easier route at the time instead of dealing with the situation as a couple as we should have done.

These last three years have been hard without you, I have tried to move on but I am now accepting that there are too many unresolved issues between us and neither of us can truly move on until we have dealt with these.

I left the area as I couldn’t be close to where we had been so happy. There are memories of you everywhere, I couldn’t go near the beach without crying. I got into art school, I decided against med school as I had seen enough in the Navy and lost enough people that it already haunted me. I love the art and how I can lose myself in it, I am starting to build a name for myself but decided to return home to work in the gallery. I paint and teach others as well and enjoy having the varying the role offers me as well as the flexibility I require in my life.

It was lovely being back where I consider home, back with my friends, O and Lincoln. You were the only thing missing when I returned home. Since I have been back, my need to see you, to talk to you has significantly increased and I know we need to resolve what happened between us. If we don’t, we are unable to either move on together or apart.

Seeing you last year was a mixed experience for me. I saw you walk towards me and I felt like I was home. I always felt that with you. The pain and loss of you came back to me but that is when I truly admitted to myself that I had not stopped loving you. I just wanted you to hug me and feel protected like I used to in your arms. I know seeing me with Finn must have been a shock, I knew you were out of touch with O and our friends so you wouldn’t have known that I was seeing him. I understand you were jealous Bell, part of me was thrilled that you obviously still wanted me, considered me yours but I didn’t approve of your reaction. We saw enough violence in the Navy and it is not Finn’s fault that we split on bad terms.

When you walked away from me, the hurt and anger boiled back up and I decided I was better off with Finn if you were prepared to walk away from me again although your attack on his was like you were telling Finn I was still yours.

I was happy with Finn. I met up with him again about a year after you left, he was sweet and funny and treated me well but the connection between him and I is not what I had with you. The passion and fire we had could not be replaced. I don’t really believe in soul mates but if they exist then you are definitely mine. We are fire and ice but it doesn’t matter, I will always believe you are the one for me, even if we cannot be together. I don't argue with Finn but I secretly enjoyed it when we did.

I love Finn, I care for him and I think I could have been happy for him if it were not for you and my unresolved feelings towards you. I was hesitant when he proposed but said yes anyway. I thought I would learn to adapt to be his wife once we were married. I wasn’t as excited and counting down the time as I did with you. 

I have called off my engagement to Finn. I realised that firstly it was not fair to marry someone when I am clearly not over you but also I do not feel the same as I did when it was us planning our wedding. I was honest with Finn and he thinks my nerves is to you leaving me, but I know it is more that I loved you in a way I don’t love him. I do care for Finn but I know now it is not enough to spend my whole life with him. We are still together but I am not sure what will happen. I am ashamed of the way I have treated Finn; he has done a lot for me but I know he loves me in a way I cannot return. I was with him to try and show myself I can move on from you. But until we have talked things through properly I cannot do this.  
I cannot make you any promises Bell, I want to meet and talk, we need to clear whatever exactly happened between the two of us. There is so much I need to tell you, so much I want to share with you but I not sure we can move past what happened or if we should try and recapture what we had. I love you Bell, I will admit it now, I always have done. I think we need to make this decision together but we can only do that when you are home.

There is so much I want to say, but I would rather do it when we are together. I am so sorry for how I left you, it seems we hurt the other and we need to sort this out. I love you Bell and I am glad you have so much to look forward to. I have included my number, when you are ready, please call me when you are home and we can arrange to meet up. I cannot wait to see you Bell.

Stay safe, I love you, I miss you, I’m sorry

Forever your princess x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. Thank you for your support really appreciated


	4. Together again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke reveals all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems I messed up the first time I posted this. Should now read properly. Thanks for the comments :)

Bellamy was sat on the coach as the squadron left the docks for the last time and headed to the Barracks. He was desperate to see his sister and Clarke and try and make things right with both of them although part of him dreaded he was too late to make amends. He had put all of his recent letters and emails in a box in his bag and he kept reading over the words of the two women who meant the most to him.

Both his sister and Clarke had been in touch with him in the last two weeks and he had hopes of at least getting his sister back. He knew he had a harder time with Clarke as she was still with Finn but she seemed to hint she was unhappy with him.

Bellamy was however confused by Clarke’s letter, he could tell there was something she was holding back, her reasons for leaving him still didn’t make sense but he knew they could talk soon.

A roar when up from the guys as the coach turned from the main road and left into the barracks entrance caught Bellamy’s attention. Bellamy scanned the window and he spotted Octavia and Lincoln waiting for him in the car park amongst the other families. His heart felt lighter seeing his little sister waiting for him and then he noticed the woman stood next to her. “Princess” Bellamy murmured under his breath, he looked again to make sure he hadn’t imagined it but he knew it was Clarke.

The coach pulled up and Bellamy grabbed his bag, and followed his mates through the coach and down the steps. He paused, watching Miller and Murphy reunite with their loved ones, he was nervous as much as he wanted to hug both his girls, he wasn’t sure how either of them would take it. Bellamy walked over to his group. Lincoln spotted him first “Welcome home Bellamy” as both woman turned to look at him. He stopped and Octavia surged forward to hug him around her small baby bump. He pulled her in close with his left arm, resting his head slightly on her head thankful to be back with his sister. “Hey big brother” she murmured into him and he gently replied “Hey O”.

He looked over her head at Clarke, she smiled at him but he could sense her uncertainty. Without letting go of his sister, Bellamy held out his right arm and Clarke ran into his side as he wrapped his arm around her, feeling her arms link around his waist. Her head nestled into her favourite crook on his neck and he moved his head to kiss her forehead murmuring “my princess”. Octavia moved slightly and grabbed Clarke’s hand and the thee of them were back together. Bellamy felt at peace for the first time in three years, he had his family back together and he hoped he never had to let either of them go again.

After a long moment, Octavia gently pulled back and Bellamy felt her squeeze both his and Clarke’s hands and slipped out of his hold smiling as returned to Lincoln’s embrace. He felt Clarke’s grip on him tighten so he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her closer into his chest. He gently rested his chin on her head and felt the softness of her curls tickle his skin. Clarke starting sobbing in to his chest, breaking Bellamy’s heart very so slightly. He pulled back from her gently and cupped her cheeks in his hands, stroking away her tears with his thumb.

“Don’t cry princess, everything is ok” Bellamy whispers to her  
“I am so sorry Bell” she murmurs as he drops his forehead to hers  
“Let’s not do this now, we can soon ok, just us” Bellamy promises her “Will you let me take you out sometime this week, maybe for dinner?” He asks hopefully  
”Yes, how about tonight, I finish work at 6pm?” she smiles up at him  
“You have yourself a date princess” Bellamy rubs his thumbs back across her cheeks, he watches her as she watches him and because he can, he pulls her back in for another bone crunching hug, his hands around her waist, hers around his neck and he rests his head on her shoulder.

“Bellamy, sorry mate” Miller appears behind them and Bellamy reluctantly pulls away gently from Clarke, her arms sliding down around his waist as he slides an arm around her shoulders “Nice to see you again Clarke” Miller acknowledges her  
“You too Miller, how is Monty?” Clarke asks  
“He is good, we will have to all catch up, would you mind if I borrow Bellamy, we have to do a debrief with the top man before we are officially discharged.”  
“Of course, I have to be off anyway as I have a meeting with an artist, I um, just wanted to see Bellamy home” she smiles and Miller and glances at Bellamy  
“Give me a minute Miller, I will be there soon ok” Bellamy says to Miller who just nods and smiles in return before heading off to round up the others

“I better go Bell, I start in half an hour” Clarke starts, Bellamy smiles at her  
“It is ok, work is important. Thank you for coming and I will pick you up tonight?” Bellamy asks gently hoping she won’t change her mind  
“I would like that, how about 7, I am off the tomorrow so a late night won’t harm” she blushes and Bellamy fights down his urge to kiss her.  
“I will see you then, have a good meeting, be careful on your way home” he warns her  
“Don’t worry about me Bell” she replies lightly  
“I always have and I always will, learn to live with it” he teases and she swats his arms and he pushes her hair out of her eyes “I will text you when I get to the office if you want” she says referring to their old system of when she was out alone.  
“Thank you, although you might manage a late night but I may not with jet lag”  
“Bell, go you don’t want them to make you do punishment, especially not today” Clarke smirks at him and he finally lets her out of his grasp, already missing her from his embrace, he dips his head to kiss her cheek, lingering as he moves away by her ear “see you later, stay safe” before smiling at her and walking towards the others “Bye Bell” she calls behind him, he looks over his shoulder and she is still there smiling at him and he feels in his heart he may have just got the love of his life back.

Bellamy was waiting in his car; he had arrived outside of Clarke’s apartment early as he was so excited to be going out, he had realised it was Valentine’s Day and had picked up some flowers for her as well as booking a table at their old favourite Italian restaurant. That afternoon he had received his official off duty paperwork from the Navy and was due to start a six-month position helping new recruits the following week. He was living in Barracks for the time being but he intended to start house hunting the following day so he would have a new home to move into, hopefully with Clarke. He had just spent the afternoon with Octavia. Bellamy had been delighted to see her, they had plans for the weekend together but he was really confused by what she had to say.

Octavia had let him know that Clarke had only just returned to town, she had left around the time he has signed up again for his final tour. Clarke had kept in touch with Octavia since via email but she hadn’t actually seen her very much apart from a brief visit last year and last month when she suddenly moved back to the area with Finn. Clarke had apparently been very secretive about where she had been and all she had said was she wanted to tell Bellamy first.

Octavia had told him her own absence from his life was due to the anger she felt that Bellamy had signed up for another tour without telling her or saying goodbye. She had been hurt that he could do that to her and had presumed Clarke had felt the same although Clarke would not speak to her about Bellamy or their break up. Octavia said she had put this down to Bellamy being her brother. Bellamy was desperate to get to the bottom of where Clarke had been as he felt this may have something to do with why she left, but he knew he had to wait for her to talk to him first.

Bellamy was sat playing on his phone when a bang against his car window brought his back to reality. He jumped out of his seat and hit his head on the ceiling of the car above him. Cursing under his breath he pushed the door open to find Clarke standing by the car in hysterics, glaring at her and rubbing where he hit his head  
“Are you ok?” she giggles “Bell”  
“I was until someone scared me half to death so I hit my head” he mumbles  
“You have been here 10 minutes so why didn’t you just knock?”  
“I didn’t want to look too keen” Bellamy admits before he can think his words over  
“You really think treat them mean keep them keen works”  
“Not when the other person knows me too well”  
“I have been waiting for you to knock, have I done something wrong?”  
“Princess no, I should have come up, I am just nervous and I don’t want to screw this up”  
“Me neither” Clarke murmurs standing closer to Bellamy. She gently reaches out and strokes his hair “Does it hurt?”  
“Not really, I might have a headache later though” he smirks “You look beautiful by the way” He takes in the simple black dress she is wearing, block wedge heels and her blonde hair in soft curls down her back. He notices with pleasure she is wearing a necklace he bought her one birthday and the watch he gave her for their last Christmas together but her charm bracelet is missing. He reaches to his neck where he can feel the chain with her ring on it, silently hoping one day she will wear the ring again as well.  
“You don’t look too bad yourself, shall we get going?” Clarke asks, Bellamy nods walking her around to the passenger side of the car and opening the door for her. Clarke slides in to the passenger side and Bellamy goes back to the driver side his head already starting to throb.

Bellamy offers Clarke his arm as they leave the Italian restaurant that they had their first date at, she had loved the flowers and had plucked one and tucked it into her hair. She takes his arm and they walk in companionable silence along to the beach. Night has fallen but they stand and watch the sea hit the shore. Bellamy has enjoyed his night; they have talked about everything apart from them, at times it was like they have never been apart. Having been for Clarke for a few hours on their own, Bellamy is certain she is keeping something back from him.

Clarke gently pulled away so she could lean on the barrier and watch the sea, Bellamy wished he could curl around her as he once would have done but didn’t know how Clarke would react to that. Bellamy made do by standing next to her, his hand on the bar as close to hers as he can without touching her. Clarke turned her head and smiled softy at him.  
“We need to talk don’t we?” She asked quietly   
“Only if you are ready” Bellamy replied reaching up to gently stroke a curl back behind Clarke’s ear, Clarke caught his hand and gently stroked his knuckles  
“I miss you so much Bell” Clarke whispered, a tear falling down hear cheek, Bellamy gently wiped it away with his thumb  
“I miss you too princess, I know I should have told you I was going, I did try and I wish now I had stayed with you, I promised you I would and I am so sorry I left” Bellamy tried to explain, desperate for her to understand  
“I know why you did it Bell, it just hurt knowing that you were prepared to walk away from our plans, our wedding without telling me. You didn’t even say goodbye” Clarke’s composure broke and she started crying “I hated you for so long, tried to convince myself you didn’t love me but I knew you did, I knew how hard this would have been for you and I just walked away.” Her hands gripped his arm as if she was scared he would go again.  
“I am not going anywhere princess, we need to talk, we need to argue this out but right now I am just so happy to see you again. I will tell you everything, I promise, leaving you behind was the biggest mistake I ever made, the thing I will regret the most, I loved you so much and I was selfish to turn my back on what we had, I was stupid enough to think you would be happy to wait for me but I should have made this decision enough with you. I believed we were strong enough to survive”  
“We might have been Bell, if you had told me”  
“I know that princess, I wish I could change it but I can’t. All I can do is try and show you that you can trust me to never do that again.”  
“How can I trust you?”  
“Because I have experienced life without you and sweetheart I promise you I have not been happy since the day I left for that tour, I miss you so much, you are the love of my life I want you back”  
“I am with someone else”  
“I know that and if you are happy I will back off and leave you in peace. Clarke I have to try and fight for you if I think there is any chance we could be together again. But saying that, your happiness is the most important thing to me, even if that means I have to let you go”  
“Do you really mean that?”  
“Yes, if you want me to leave you alone, I will, just tell me that and I will do what you want.”  
“Why now Bell, when you saw me with Finn last year, you dragged him off me before running off. I know you heard me but you ignored me, why not tell me then? Why now?”  
“Clarke this tour, it has been so hard, the fighting and brutality worse than I have ever experienced, I was a wreck for the first half of the tour, I was drinking too much, I was reckless as I didn’t care anymore. I had lost you and O so I felt it didn’t matter what happened to me. I came home for leave; I hope to see O but she was away. That night I was so lonely, so sick of my life, I needed to talk to someone I loved and that person was you, only you could get me through that. I still missed you so much, knew how much I had screwed up. I saw you by chance and for one moment I thought I could get you back, change the person I had become for the real me, then I saw Finn. The realization that you had moved on hurt me so much, I knew I deserved it, you had every right to move on but seeing him in what I still considered my place made me see red. I feel bad for how I hit him, I shouldn’t have done it and I will apologise to him but I walked away from you as I saw the look on your face. It was like you didn’t know who I was anymore, that is why I walked away Clarke, I wasn’t good enough for you, never had been”  
“Bell, I cannot condone the violence but I wish you had let me in then. You broke me again the way you walked away. I still loved you and seeing you again, it made me realise how much I missed you. Finn could see that; he could see how I still felt about you but you walked away so I assumed you didn’t love me anymore. That is why I got engaged as I didn’t think you wanted me”  
“I have always wanted you Clarke, I love you, I miss you but I will walk away if you want me to”  
“Why now though, you didn’t say?”  
“I was coming home, I wanted out and I wanted to be near Octavia. I wanted to be near you although I knew it would kill me being near you and watch you marry someone else. I wanted to see you happy. Then Lincoln wrote to me”  
“And told you I was unhappy, I saw your replies to him”  
“Why did you read the letter? Lincoln said he gave you the choice”  
“I had to know Bell, I still love you and I had to know, I would regret it if I hadn’t”  
“You still love me?”  
“You can’t have what we had and not still love the other Bell”  
“But you are marrying Finn?”  
“I called off the engagement”  
“Why?”  
“Because I don’t love him, I care about him but he isn’t you Bell but I am so scared that I come back and we hurt each other again”  
“I am scared too Clarke but I will never make a decision like that without asking you, I cannot promise we won’t argue or that I will not mess up because it will happen but it will silly small things. Please princess, you are the centre of my world and I will never leave you again”

Bellamy looked towards the sea, he could feel the tears slip down his cheek, he was so close to having everything he wanted but he could feel Clarke’s hesitation. Bellamy glanced at her and she was crying too.  
“Where were you Clarke?” Bellamy finally cracked and asked her, Clarke looked at him sharply and Bellamy could see the defences going back up inside her  
“Where was I when?” Clarke replied  
“When I left for tour, I tried to trace you but they said you had left when your own tour ended. O said you left the area pretty soon after you got back and didn’t come back until recently. Where have you been?” Bellamy asked gently, trying to encourage her to talk to him  
“I went back to my mother, I lived with her for a while. We were never close Bell but you know that, especially after Dad died and their divorce. She was ill Bell; I went home to her whilst she was ill. Her recovery took a long time which is why I was away for so long. It is why I didn’t go to college, she needed me and I had already lost my Dad. At first I needed time to think, I wasn’t sure what to do about us and over time I realised I couldn’t wait three years for you.”  
“I am sorry about your mother, I really am, I am glad she is better. Is that why it took you so long to write to me?”  
“I wanted to talk to you Bell, but I had so much I needed to decide on, with looking after her, I knew you wouldn’t be able to spend all your leave with me when I was away from home and that would restrict the time we had together. I didn’t think we could survive it, I ignored you as I knew how much I would hurt you as I was already hurting for us.”  
“Did you really think I didn’t love you?”  
“At the time, yes, I know that now it was just me trying to deny it because I always knew, deep down it wasn’t the truth, I knew you loved me, I knew how hard this was for you. I was selfish Bell, I was hurt and upset, I was so angry with you for leaving, I thought I didn’t matter anymore to you. I received your letters, it was harder pretending you didn’t love me but the last one was so angry, made me think I could survive on my own without you, I am so sorry.”  
“Princess this is my fault, I signed up when I promised you I wouldn’t”  
“You tried to talk to me, it wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t get through to me”  
“I still left though”  
“Once you are signed up, you are in Bell, there is no way out apart from injury or death. Neither of which I wanted for you, I was so glad that you survived your injury. I should have given you the chance to explain, maybe we could have worked it out or decided on a mutual split.”  
“I never would have agreed to that princess, you would have had to leave me, you know that”  
“Even if it is what was best for one of us? Or if was what I wanted?”  
“Well it wouldn’t have been mutual but I would have done it for you”  
“What do you want from me Bell? I mean really”  
“In an ideal world, I would want us to start again, we can’t go back but we can move forward. I am not saying it wouldn’t be hard at times but I can make you happy again, I know that. I would want to put my ring back on your finger, live together again, I would marry you, one day have kids. I would want my whole future with you.”  
“Oh Bell, what are you doing once you leave the navy?”  
“I am spending the next six months with new recruits. I then have a summer break before I return to education in September, I am planning to do my teacher training. In the next few months I am going to do evening classes to get my history up to date as that is what I would like to teach. I intend to buy a house here; I have a good settlement following my injury so I won’t need to worry about rent. I was thinking of maybe travelling for a bit in the summer but as far as I am concerned my life is here now. I will be near O and Lincoln; I can be an uncle to their baby. The only thing I don’t know is if you will be doing it with me, I want you to, I can see you in my future but only you can make that choice Clarke.”

Bellamy turned so he was facing Clarke; she did the same so they were just looking at each other. Clarke reached out so she was touching Bellamy on his chest, right over his heart. Bellamy realised she would feel how jittery his heart beat was right now. Clarke moved gently towards him, her hand travelling from his heart to cup his cheek. Bellamy placed his hand over hers and moved his other to caress her cheek gently wiping away the last of her tears. Bellamy ducked his head and gently dropped his lips onto Clarke’s, she responded immediately wrapping her arms around his neck. Bellamy slid his arms down her sides and pulled her into him, wrapping one arm around her lower back and tangling the other in her curls.

They deepened the kiss until they both needed air. Bellamy rested his forehead against Clarke’s.  
“Sorry I should have checked with you before I” Bellamy started before Clarke kissed him gently “I am glad you did Bell, I know there is a lot to sort out, for us to talk about but I have made my decision. I want you Bell, I want us to get back together, you are the love of my life and I have missed you so much. I know it will be hard at times but I want this so much. I know we have things to sort out but I know we can”  
“What about Finn?” Bellamy murmured, not really caring  
“I will tell him tomorrow, it will be horrible but I need to do it, he will see in the long run this is better. I just don’t want to hurt him” Clarke started crying  
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Bellamy had to be sure   
“Yes Bell, I am more than sure, come home with me.” Clarke whispered against his lips, Bellamy just nodded and followed her as she pulled him into a nearby taxi.

Bellamy lay on the bed feeling happier than he had in a long time. Clarke returned from the bathroom wrapped up in his shirt and crawled back into his arms, Bellamy pulled her against his chest and rested his chin on her head.

“Any regrets?” He asked as he gently stroked her back  
“No, damn I have missed you” Clarke laughed pulling him to her so she could kiss him  
“Good” Bellamy murmured when she pulled back

“That was one thing Finn was never as good as you as, I used to imagine it was you but it would be you on a very bad day” Clarke giggled before stiffening, Bellamy sensed she was scared of telling Finn  
“Princess if you have changed your mind” Bellamy started, Clarke whipped her head around and pushed herself up so she was straddling his lap and facing him. Bellamy gently pushed her hair out of her face.  
“I am not changing my mind, it will be hard telling him but it isn’t like he has always been straight with me” Clarke said, a dark shadow crossing her face

“Why what did he do?” Bellamy asked  
“When we first got together he was already with someone, I didn’t know and I was stupid enough to take him back when I found out. I suppose I was scared off being alone” She looked away from him so Bellamy used his thumb to gently push her face to look at him

 

“You won’t be alone again” He promised her gently as he kissed her “I can promise you that”  
“Will you stay tonight?” Clarke asked gently, Bellamy nodded before pulling her closer so could hug her  
“What are you up to tomorrow?” Clarke asked pulling back slightly, resting her hands on Bellamy’s shoulders

“I have a viewing booked to see a couple of houses, I will be living in Barracks until I officially leave but I want to buy somewhere, maybe do some work on it before I start my course. My intention is to invest the money I received to make life easier.” Bellamy said gently

“What sort of house?”  
“One where I don’t have to move again, I want stability, I have missed that after 10 years of being at sea. Three beds maybe, a garden, a garage, maybe get a dog.” Bellamy said hesitantly, he was hoping one day she would there living with him

“Sounds good Bell” Clarke murmured  
“I will need your opinion on paint colours and so forth, you know I am useless at all that”  
“No you are not Bell”  
“I want you to like it, with us getting back together, I am hoping you will be spending some time with me”  
“I can advise you on paint colours and help with that kind of thing”

Bellamy wanted to tell her, he wanted her to move in but he didn’t want to rush her. He had only just got her back and couldn’t rush her. Bellamy gently ran his hands up Clarke’s back pulling her towards him.  
“What are you up to tomorrow?” He asked her

“I want to talk to Finn in the morning, I owe him that much and then there is someone I want you to meet” Clarke replied slowly but Bellamy was only really paying attention to what she was saying about Finn  
“Will you be ok with Finn?” Bellamy was concerned about letting her go but he knew he had to show she could trust him again

“He won’t hurt me Bell, if anything it will be me hurting him. Can we keep this between us for now until I have told him? I owe him that much Bell” Clarke looked at him pleadingly

Bellamy didn’t want them to be a secret, he wanted to claim her as his and get on with being together but he knew how much this was hurting her. Bellamy didn’t know Finn but they had been together two years, he understood what it was like to love Clarke and then lose her. Bellamy didn’t understand how he had been so lucky to win his girl back. He felt happier than he ever knew possible.

Clarke gently kissed him “I will come back to you Bell, I am yours, I swear, we are back together” she whispered against his lips “I am yours and only yours, in the same way you are mine and only mine”. Bellamy crashed his lips to hers and groaned as lips parted and let him in. Bellamy gently cupped the back of Clarke’s head and moved so he could lower her back on to the bed, he paused after a moment and ran his hands down her sides. “Mine” he whispered against her lips before recapturing them.

The next day

Bellamy walked through the gates and headed towards Clarke who he could see sat on a bench near the playground. She had text him asking him to meet her here, he was confused why they were here. When they had parted that morning, Bellamy had been so happy that he had his princess back and had enjoyed the morning looking at houses. He had found one he thought was good, bigger than he wanted with four bedrooms but it had potential for an art room for Clarke and a study for him, standing in the house Bellamy could see their future at this house. The garden was huge and the property was in a good family area. He was keen for Clarke and O to see it before he made an offer on it.

As Bellamy walked closer he watched as Clarke waved to a little girl. He glanced over and recognised Raven playing with the girl in the playground. Raven smiled at Bellamy and waved so he waved back. Bellamy had not seen Raven, who was one of Clarke’s closest friends, since before his last tour. Bellamy briefly took in the child with her, presuming she was Raven’s daughter.

Clarke stood up and walked towards him. “Do you want a coffee Bell?” She asked, smiling at him  
“Sure, I will go get them, should I get Raven and her daughter something?” He called back to her. A weird look passed over Clarke’s face. “No it is ok Bell, why don’t you sit here and I will get them.” She stood up and headed over to the kiosk at the back of the play area. Bellamy sat down. He was concerned that something had happened with Finn, he didn’t understand why Raven was here. He glanced over to where Raven was, she was chasing the little girl and they were both in giggles. The little girl had pale skin with long curly dark hair. She reminded him of Octavia at that age and thought she must be about two years old.

Clarke walked over to Raven and handed her a drink as well as an ice cream to the little girl. Both women looked over at Bellamy and he smiled back, wondering what they were saying. Clarke left Raven and the little girl before walking back to him. She handed him a coffee and sat next to him on the bench. “Thanks princess” Bellamy said before taking a sip of the drink. They sat in silence for a moment and Bellamy could feel the panic rise in him again that something was wrong.

“Finn knows Bell” Clarke said simply “He wasn’t happy but he knows it is what I want.”  
“Did he get angry with you?” Bellamy replied  
“Yes but he didn’t do anything. He begged me to stay, said he could change. I told him that I was an idiot for staying with him after finding out he had cheated. I was honest with him, told him you and I were trying again. That was when he got angry”.  
“What did he say?”  
“Just that you would leave u-me again, I told him that wouldn’t happen and we could move forward, it doesn’t matter what he said Bell, the main thing is now he knows. I am quite relieved it is over actually.”  
“Are you ok?”  
“I will be”  
“What do you mean princess?”

Bellamy gently took Clarke’s hand and stroked her knuckles “Princess?”  
“Bell, I haven’t told you everything” Clarke said pulling his hand in-between both of hers  
“What haven’t you told me?” Bellamy could hear the sense of panic in his own voice, Clarke reached to stroke his curls  
“Hey it is ok, I am hoping you will think this is good news Bell, I am not going anywhere I want you Bell, I love you.”  
Clarke looked towards Raven and the little girl still playing in the park  
“What is it then?” Bellamy asked “Why is Raven here Clarke?”  
“Earlier you said Raven’s little girl, her name is Lily-Ella but she mainly goes by Lily. She was two in October. She isn’t Raven’s Bellamy; she is my daughter” Clarke said calmly but Bellamy could see she was trying to keep her composure

Bellamy looked back at the little girl, mentally working out the time, she was two last year, that meant Clarke would have been pregnant with her the year they split up. She would have been pregnant when they split up. Bellamy considered his earlier thoughts of how she reminded him of Octavia, her pale skin like Clarke’s, the wave she had waved at Clarke.

“I found out I was pregnant two weeks before you signed up again Bell. I wanted to tell you but you were due home so I had this silly idea of putting the test in a gift bag for you. But you never came home” Clarke said quietly, tears dripping down her cheeks. Bellamy sat in a stunned silence as he listened to what she was saying. “I thought you would be so happy, I knew how much you wanted to be a dad, how amazing you would be but then you went away and I was didn’t want the Navy life for our child. I was hurt Bell; I was angry with you but I have no excuses from keeping your daughter away from you”

Bellamy closed his eyes, Clarke finally confirmed what he was thinking, that this little girl was his daughter.

“I named her Lily-Ella, I tried to think of something you would like, Lily was for the first flowers you bought me and Ella as it is a part of your name. Her middles are Aurora Abigail after our mother’s and her surname, it is Blake Bell, you are on her birth certificate.” Clarke kept talking but Bellamy couldn’t take it what she was saying to him.

“How could you not tell me that I had a child?” He snapped at her, Bellamy finally found his voice and pulled his hand out from her grasp

“I know I should have done but she deserved more than the worry of a father at sea, someone who walked out on me.” Clarke said

Bellamy stood up and tried to keep his breathing steady. He was struggling with this. He had Clarke back but he couldn’t understand how she could keep their child away from him, something he longed for.

“I didn’t walk out on you, I went to war, it was my job, my career. You know full well I tried to talk to you but you were too angry at me to even hear me out. Do you know how it felt waiting 10 weeks for a letter from you to just be rejected the way you did to me? I know I hurt you but did I hurt you that much you would keep my own child a secret from me?” Bellamy practically shouted at her  
“Yes you hurt me that much Bell” Clarke shouted back at him, she surprised Bellamy into silence as he sunk back on to the bench and rested his head in his hands. Bellamy couldn’t stop the tears. A baby was one of the things he had wanted with Clarke, he had a family and he didn’t even know it. The guilt of signing up got to him and he couldn’t keep himself together anymore.

Bellamy felt Clarke crouch in front of him and slip her hands onto his knees. “Bell it is ok” Clarke murmured soothingly “I am so sorry but I didn’t tell you before as I wanted to know you wanted me for me, not because of any other factors and now I am realising how stupid I have been. I want to make this right” Bellamy felt Clarke move his hands so she could pull him closer to her, he slid from the bench so he was knelt on the floor with her, his head in the crook of her neck with Clarke’s arms wrapped around him as she soothed him through his tears.

After a while Bellamy felt calmer and gently pulled back, standing up and pulling Clarke up with him so they could sit on the bench. He kept her close to him as he wiped his face.  
“Sorry” He mumbled, Clarke cupped his cheek  
“Don’t apologise to me, Bell, I am the one who kept your little girl away from you, I am so sorry”  
“I promised you I wouldn’t leave princess, I left you and you have raised our daughter on your own”

“I left my tour early as I couldn’t serve, my mother was diagnosed with cancer around that time, she wanted me to go home so I did. I was in pieces that I had walked away from you and I was so scared of being on my own. I never not wanted her Bell, I knew I would keep her and she has been my whole world since she was born. I meant to tell you about her, I had moved away to be closer to my mother whilst she went through, but every time I thought about doing it, I became a coward and decided to not tell you as I didn’t know how to explain this to you, I am the reason you have missed out on her life”  
“I put you in a bad situation princess, this cannot have been easy for you”  
“Please don’t Bell, I don’t deserve you being nice to me”

Bellamy wiped his eyes and glanced over at Lilly. She was sat with Raven but he could see her looking over with concern at Clarke.  
“She looks like O at that age but the curls are more like yours” Bellamy said quietly “She is beautiful princess”  
“She knows about you; I have always made sure she knows about you” Clarke said  
“But what about Finn?” Bellamy said

“I have also made Lilly know that you are her Dad, that you love her, I know you don’t Bell, I didn’t give you the chance to but I know you will. Finn has never been her Dad and I wouldn’t let him” Clarke replied  
“What did you mean by having me chose you?” Bellamy asked

“I wanted to tell you about her but I was scared you would only come back for her. It was stupid of me and I know I have run the risk of losing you for good but I wanted you to choose me but not because of her” Clarke whispered tears running down her cheek, Bellamy leaned over to wipe them from her face  
“I understand Clarke but I always would have chosen you, I never thought I would get you back and I am shocked but Clarke I was not expecting this. Please don’t think I wouldn’t have chosen you for you, I love you princess so much. I am pleased about Lilly but I am still trying to take all of this in. There is a lot we need to talk about, how we do this but I want you back Clarke, I love you and I wouldn’t change last night. But Lily is just the last piece of the puzzle, we can be a family, if you will let me and we can be together, it will be hard, I need to get to know her but we can do this together.” Bellamy wrapped his arms around Clarke and brought her towards him. “We cannot rush this but when I was looking at houses this morning I kept hoping you would be moving in with me at some point, the bedrooms I hoped would have kids and now it seems more likely.”

“I love you Bell” Clarke murmured against him  
“I love you to princess, so much” Bellamy whispered back “I am never letting you go again” He pulled her into kiss her.  
“Do you want to meet your daughter?” Clarke asked  
“Our daughter, more than anything please”  
Clarke stood up and Bellamy took her hand and followed her towards their little girl.


	5. Not as I wished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set 8 weeks after their reunion. I wanted to show how difficult the adjustment to family life might be.

April 2018

Bellamy ran past the Barracks and continued up the hill towards the coast path. He had needed some time on his own and decided to go out for a run so he could think things through. Bellamy had been running for nearly an hour and decided to pause on the beach to delay the inevitable confrontation with Clarke when he returned.

Bellamy collapsed on a bench and hooked his headphones out of his ears as we wanted to listen to the sea rather than his music. He took a sip of water from his running bottle and started to think over how things were.

Bellamy and Clarke had been back together for two months. He had thought that once he had his princess back, they would slip back into the easy, loving relationship they once shared. Bellamy couldn’t believe how naive he had been. He had been shocked but delighted to learn about Lilly and already was the protective dad that Clarke thought he would be. He didn’t regret getting back with Clarke and having Lilly but life hadn’t turned out as he had dreamt off.

The day Bellamy found out about Lilly was a complete shock for Bellamy. He had been delighted to meet his daughter and had formed a strong bond with her quickly. Clarke seemed happy as they all played together and he thought his future was secure.

Clarke and Lilly were living in a flat and Bellamy would see them every day after he finished at the recruitment centre and spent most of this nights with his girls as well as all of the weekends. Spending time with Lilly and becoming a dad to a two-year-old was a huge adjustment to him, he had gone from being single (and miserable) to a family man overnight and his life was nothing but change. Bellamy had now finished active service for the Navy and had four months with the new recruits before he intended to start his teacher training. He had bought a house, one which Clarke helped him chose, and it was due to become their family home by Christmas.

Bellamy loved the house, it had three bedrooms, a huge garden, a garage and enough room for a play room for Lilly, art room for Clarke and a study for him and his books. Lilly was desperate for a dog as she loved animals and her parents had agreed she could have one once they moved in. Clarke was happy at her job at the gallery and was intending to start running her own classes alongside the commission work she had.

Life should be good for his little family but Bellamy was distinctly uneasy of his relationship with Clarke. He knew he loved her, she was the love of his life, he wanted to be with her but Bellamy was struggling to comprehend how she could have kept his daughter away from him. Bellamy knew he had hurt her when he signed up but they both accepted the situation was a hard one. Clarke had said she had forgiven him but Bellamy felt she didn’t trust him as she always wanted to know when she would next see him, something she had never done before.

Getting to know his daughter had made Bellamy realise how much he had missed of her life so far. He had missed her first smile, her first steps and other important changes he would never get back. Clarke had given him photos but it didn’t make up for it. Bellamy was worried he was showing he harboured some resentment towards her, deep down he blamed Clarke for missing out on so much with Lilly.

Bellamy had wanted to talk to Clarke, try and understand more from her life when they split up but she wouldn’t talk to him. It hurt so much that she was shutting him out still and he couldn’t reach her like he could have done once. Asides himself and his sister, Clarke was the most stubborn person he knew, and Bellamy was scared their inability to communicate properly would result in them parting again. Despite the strain between them, Bellamy was determined to make his little family unit work.

Clarke had been spoiling for a fight the minute he and Lilly got home the night before. Bellamy had taken his daughter out for the day so Clarke could work on a new canvas. Bellamy had been a bit later than he said as Lilly hadn’t wanted to leave the zoo he had taken her too and Clarke wasn’t happy with him for spoiling her routine. Once Lilly was in bed, they had finally had the fight Bellamy thought they needed although it had involved them screaming at each other.

Bellamy had demanded to know why she thought it was acceptable to deny him access to his daughter until now, Clarke had thrown back that she didn’t want him to leave Lilly the way he had left her. It was their worst ever fight but they both had finally revealed how they felt over their split and their anger at each other. Although they had thrown insults at each other and Bellamy had slept on the coach, he knew that things should now be better. Bellamy wanted to make things up with Clarke and he hoped she would to.

Bellamy realised he had a text message when he glanced at his phone, it was from Clarke.

“I am putting Lilly down for her nap. Will you be back soon? We need to talk Cx”

Bellamy let himself smile, the kiss on the end meant she was softening towards him. Bellamy put his music back in and ran the mile back to his princesses.

 

Bellamy let himself into Clarke’s apartment and heard her talking to Lilly in the little girl’s bedroom. Bellamy paused outside the door and peeked in to see Clarke sat next to Lilly’s bed trying to get her to nap.

“Why are you so sad mummy?” Lilly asked quietly  
“Oh baby, it is just I said some horrible things to Daddy and I didn’t mean to upset him” Clarke whispered stroking Lilly’s hair  
“Will Daddy come home?” Bellamy felt a small tear in his heart hearing his daughter say that and he gently pushed the door open, both of his girls looked up at him, he sat behind Clarke on the bed wrapping one arm around her and reaching the other out to stroke Lilly’s hair.  
“It is ok Lil, we just fell out but it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. I love mummy so much, as much as I love you and we just had a silly fight. I am not leaving you, neither of you, I promise”  
He felt Clarke rest her arm over his where he held her interlinking their fingers and Lilly smiled at them. “Good but daddy you smell, please go shower”  
Bellamy burst out laughing “I have been out running which is why I am smelly, whilst my own daughter is being lazy and lying in bed, but I am off for a shower my little princess” Bellamy gently moved so he could kiss his daughter as she dozed off and stood up pulling Clarke with him.

Clarke and Bellamy quietly walked out of their daughter’s room and closed the door gently. Clarke turned around to Bellamy but before he could say anything to her, she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him passionately, wrapping her arms around his neck. Bellamy immediately wrapped his arms around her back and hoisted Clarke up so she could wrap her legs around him. Without breaking his contact, Bellamy carried her into the bedroom so they could make up.

“I forgot how much I like arguing with you” Clarke smirked as she curled up into Bellamy’s side “Lily is right though you do smell” Bellamy leant down to kiss her head  
“I am not sure about the fighting, the making up is fun, I will have a shower but we need to talk Clarke” Bellamy said as he sat up to look down at her. “We cannot keep doing this, for not only our sakes but Lily’s as well.”  
“I know I am not showing I trust you Bell but I do, I just hate living apart from you” Clarke mumbled, looking away from him  
“I know princess but I have to stay on Barracks until August, unless you want to move in there with me and neither of us wanted Lily to witness guns or the regiment way of life” Bellamy said gently  
“You haven’t exactly asked us to move in once you are in the house”  
“Is that what this is about? I bought that house for us Clarke, why do you think I wanted you to love it. I didn’t just want your interior design ideas” He teased “Princess, I want you to move in, you know that don’t you?” Bellamy gently tilted her head towards his. She smiled gently and nodded  
“Can we move in when you do?” Clarke asked him softly  
“Well you and Lily could move in before me but the house isn’t ready yet” Bellamy asked confused  
“No Bell, I meant can we move in the same day as you? I wasn’t sure if you were going to ask us once you were in or only Lily would be welcome” Clarke explained still not meeting his eyes

Bellamy sighed and reached out to pull her towards him. “I told you princess, I love you, I want you. I wanted you before I knew about Lily, I would have wanted you either way. I am just grateful I have you both” Bellamy tried to explain to her  
“Even though you felt like I was testing you the day you came home?” Clarke recited the words he had thrown at her in their argument  
“Princess, you were testing me weren’t you? You didn’t want to make a rash decision about me, we have a child to think about” Bellamy said gently “I love you Clarke so much, I have for years and I am so lucky that we have this second change, we have a beautiful little girl and we can be a family again. It hasn’t been easy adjusting to being a family but we will get there, it is good we argued, we needed to clear the air and maybe we should have talked instead of screaming at each other but I am glad we did it”  
“I am glad too Bellamy, I suppose I wanted to avoid talking about it as I was so happy we were back together that I didn’t want to face the issues we already have”  
“I am sorry about what I said to you last night, it just hurts knowing how much of our family life I had missed” Bellamy tried to phase his feelings carefully as he wanted Clarke to be reassured he wanted both of them  
“I know Bell, I should have told you, you have every right to resent me. Once more and more time went past, I wasn’t sure how to tell you”  
“Look we cannot change the past; the main thing is we are together now”  
“I agree and you were right, we did need to talk about our issues, instead of avoiding them”  
“We can get through them together, like always princess” Bellamy bent down and kissed Clarke gently “Can I go shower now? Seeing as my girls are determined to delay me” He started tickling Clarke and she pushed him back playfully. “It won’t always be easy princess, but we can get through this together babe ok? I just need you to be honest with me, deal?” “Deal Bell, I love you”

 

 

July 2018

“Where have you been?” Bellamy demanded as Clarke walked into the kitchen, he had been expecting her for a couple of hours and she hadn’t been answering her phone. Bellamy had been worried sick about her and Lily, not sure if she had gone or if they been in an accident. It wasn’t like Clarke to not call him.  
“I had to meet someone” Clarke replied “Lily is in the other room watching telly, can you please keep your voice down”  
“You could have text me to let me know you were ok” Bellamy snapped back  
“Bell, we are both fine, you don’t need to know where I am every second” Clarke replied angrily “You promised me that you trusted me”  
“I do but you go missing with our daughter, you don’t answer your phone and I was worried something had happened to you. You were meant to meet me for lunch but were a no show. What am I meant to think?” Bellamy was trying to keep the desperation he had felt out of his voice  
“I am sorry I should have told you but I bumped into someone and I had no choice but to talk to them”  
“Who was it?”  
“Really, now you are checking up on me?”  
“No I wouldn’t do that but I want to know who was more important than letting your boyfriend know you and our daughter were safe”  
“I went to see Finn”

Bellamy felt the jealously soar through him. Clarke had tried to maintain being friends with Finn in the four months since they split up but Bellamy wasn’t happy about how much time Finn was demanding from her. He didn’t want Finn near Clarke or his daughter. Although they were talking more, the tensions still remained between them and Bellamy was scared he was on the verge of losing Clarke again. Bellamy didn’t think Clarke fully trusted him and therefore wasn’t committing fully to them, she was becoming more distant with him again and Bellamy wasn’t sure how much longer they could keep this up. Bellamy was close to thinking Clarke was waiting to leave him, he would lose the love of his life again and be forced to become a part time dad. Some days they were a happy family and other days he didn’t think they would ever get over their past.

“And that stopped you from meeting me for lunch because?”  
“Finn was upset, he wanted to talk and the meeting took longer than I thought. I realised the time, went to the café but was told you had already gone. Lily was playing up so I was just going to apologise and tell you everything when I got home, it was quicker.”  
“What did he want to talk about?”  
“It doesn’t matter”  
“Clarke”  
“Finn said he still loves me and begged me to go back to him.”  
“I don’t hear you saying you were indifferent.”  
“He asked me if I am happy with you”  
“I take it you are not then?”  
“For God’s sake Bell, let me talk, why are you trying to fight me?”  
“You see your ex when you are meant to be with me and then disappear”  
“Nothing happened between us”  
“But what he did was comfort you because you are not happy with me”  
“At least he listens to me”  
“What is that supposed to mean?”  
“I try to talk to you but we keep arguing”  
“I try to talk to you but you have shut me out”  
“You are jealous of Finn”  
“Only because you talk to him and not me, see I will admit it”  
“I can’t keep doing this”  
“Doing what?”  
“This, us, I didn’t think it would be like this, I thought we would be happy”

Bellamy felt his heart shatter. He had hoped they could come back together, that they were strong enough to put the past behind them but Clarke didn’t think they were.

“You are not happy with me are you?” He whispered, looking away from Clarke  
“Bell” Clarke came up behind him  
“Are you?” He demanded “You still can’t be honest with me princess”  
“I am happy but I cannot help being scared” Clarke said gently  
“Scared of what?”  
“That you will leave again Bell”  
“Then stop pushing me away”

Bellamy looked at Clarke and she was crying. He wanted to reach out to her, to comfort her but he couldn’t make his body move. He loved her but was wondering if he had made a mistake in trying to win back something so precious that he had broken. He had hurt her too much and he had broken her trust in him, made her so scared he would leave.

“What do you want me to do princess?” Bellamy asked quietly, Clarke glanced up at him  
“What do you mean?” She replied  
“Do you want me to go? I don’t want to go, I love you and I promised you I would stay. But I also promised I would do whatever makes you happy. If you want me to go, I will”  
“You would walk out on me again?”  
“No Clarke, it would be your choice. I would never choose for you again”  
“Bell”  
“Either we sort this, trust each other completely and have the future I know I want, us as a family, or we let each other go completely and just be good parents to Lily”

Bellamy moved closer to Clarke but didn’t touch her. He didn’t want to say this but he wanted Clarke to choose so if she stayed with him it would be her choice.

“I need some time Bell; I do love you but I need some time” Clarke whispered “I love you so much but maybe we rushed this”

Bellamy felt his heart break and the tears run down his face. Her choice was time away from him, how long would he have to wait for her to make her decision? Bellamy knew he had to go with it.

“I will give you the time you need but I still want to see Lily” Bellamy said  
“Bell of course, this is about us, not her. She still needs her dad” Clarke moved over to him and Bellamy pulled her into a hug. “I do love you Bell, I just need some time” Clarke murmured to him.  
“I love you princess, call me when you are ready” Bellamy let her go and turned so she couldn’t see him cry. He called good bye to Lily and left the flat certain he had lost Clarke forever. He had hurt her too much. In his heart he thought he had hurt her too much and he was already lost without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. I hope I caught the sensitivity I wanted for them after such a big change for both of them


	6. Marry me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my ending. I hope it works. Thanks for the comments and support it has been great. I know little about the Navy so my references may beven wrong

August 2018

Bellamy closed the door as the last recruit left for the day. He sat down and sighed as the enormity of the day hit him. He had been home for six months, today was his last official day in the Navy and he was moving from Barracks into his house in the morning. After 10 years at sea, Bellamy couldn’t believe he had finally reached the end of a long chapter of his life.

It had been a good chapter at the start, it had given him a good career, a good income so he had been able to provide for his sister. Bellamy had hated the Navy since he and Clarke had split up as he blamed the tour for him losing her. Although he was now medically discharged but fully recovered, Bellamy had a good pension to live off and support his family until he qualified as a teacher.

In the last few weeks, things had really changed between him and Clarke. On the night he agreed to give her space, Bellamy was convinced he had lost her and had starting grieving like he had three years before.

However, Clarke surprised him by arriving at the Barracks the next day with Lilly in tow. Bellamy was overjoyed to see his daughter but wasn’t sure how to be with Clarke. Clarke persuaded him to join him and Lilly on a family day at the beach and they had spent the morning acting like a normal family building sand castle, paddling in the waves and playing games. Clarke kept smiling at him but they didn’t say much which confirmed to Bellamy that they were both just being good parents.

Once Lilly had fallen asleep after a picnic lunch, Bellamy had sat down on the beach and watched Clarke take photos for a new art scene she was working on. At one point she turned around and just smiled. Bellamy thought he could literally feel his heart breaking as he looked at the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Clarke was the love of his life, the mother of his child and he felt stupid for risking what they had, for doubting her. But Bellamy was realistic and knew unless they could trust each other they had no chance of making this work.

Bellamy had been expecting the break up speech from Clarke but her response had thrown him completely.

*****

“I am so sorry Bell”  
“What for princess?”  
“Letting you leave, I am showing how much of a coward I am yet again”  
“You are not a coward Clarke”  
“I kept your daughter away from you”  
“You had your reasons”  
“How can you say that when I haven’t told you?”  
“Because I know you, I know you would have made the right choice at the time”  
“Even if it meant you didn’t know about Lilly, even if it meant I walked away when I shouldn’t have done?”  
“Why did you then?”  
“I was so upset with you going on tour, I thought you didn’t love me enough to stay with what I agreed, my mother was ill, I had already lost dad and I thought you were gone, finding out I was pregnant was so scary Bell, I wanted you so much, I desperately missed you but I knew you wouldn’t be able to come home. I felt so alone but I knew I wanted our baby. I wanted that part of you. 

I was hurt and angry, I wasn’t coping well during the pregnancy and I wasn’t myself. I was diagnosed with depression. Once I had Lilly, I knew I had to tell you but it was so hard. I was scared you would reject us, I convinced myself you had walked away from me but in reality you hadn’t. I didn’t give you the chance to explain, to allow you the opportunity. I kept you away from Lilly and you have missed so much of her because of me and I can never give that back to you Bell. The more time that passed the easier it was to keep saying, I will do it another day but it never happened.

Then I saw you last year, it felt like I could breathe for the first time since we split up. I forgot about Finn, I just saw you and I knew then, I knew I still loved you. I finally accepted I missed you, I needed you. I understand your reaction towards Finn Bell, I don’t condone it but I got why. I followed you to talk to you, I wanted to ask for a meeting to talk about Lilly but you walked away. I knew you heard me and it hurt so much that you just walked away.

I understand now how much I hurt you, I regret it Bellamy I really do. When I got your letter, it made me realise marrying Finn wasn’t the answer I was looking for. I needed to see you, explain, let you be a dad, the amazing dad I knew you would be. Deep down I was hoping for a reconciliation but I doubted you could forgive me. I knew how much you wanted kids, how good you would have been with Lilly and I denied you that Bell.

Seeing you again has been amazing. Knowing you still loved me, wanted me made me feel so happy, so safe. I couldn’t understand how you could forgive me. I started worrying you hadn’t and I brought the barrier back up and blocked you out.”

“Princess”  
“No, please let me finish. I was with Finn as I was scared of being on by own and I knew if you came back I would run straight to you. You were always the love of my life Bell, the person who knew me best. The biggest mistake I ever made was walking away from us, not fighting for what we have. I was cruel and I wish I could take it backFinding out you had been shot terrified me that I could have lost you, Lilly might not ever have met you and you would could have died without knowing your daughter existing.

I have messed this up Bell, so much but I want this, you me and Lilly, I want us to be a family. I promise to stop pushing you away, I promise to love you. I just hope you can find it to forgive me”

******

Bellamy remembered how relieved he had been that she was finally opening up to her. He had pulled Clarke into his arms and held her as they wept together. Bellamy had promised her he loved her, that he had forgiven her and asked her to move in with him once the house was ready. Clarke had agreed and Bellamy finally felt safe and secure in his relationship.

Now several weeks later, him and Clarke were happier than they had been in a long time. They had the relationship Bellamy remembered with the added bonus of having family time with their little girl.

Bellamy left the recruits centre and signed off his final shift report. He returned to his Barracks property and packed up the last of his items before getting changed. Bellamy packed the last of his belongings up so he was ready to leave in the morning.

Between him, Clarke and their friends, the house had been set up and was finally ready to move into. The house looked how he imagined it and Clarke had done a fantastic job of decorating it. Lilly had been asking for a dog and Bellamy had promised her they would go to the rescue and rehome one on the weekend, he was excited about having a family pet, Clarke teased him that he was more excited than their toddler was.

Tonight was a celebration at the local bar for his regiment as their time together in the services had ended. Bellamy and his group were being joined by friends and family and Bellamy was looking forward to seeing Clarke and O, Lilly was being looked after my Clarke’s mother for the night.

Bellamy walked into the bar and immediately noticed Miller and Wick standing at the bar. They waved to him and he walked over.

“Have you seen Clarke?” Bellamy asked as the drinks were ordered

“No but I have seen Octavia, apparently Clarke is on an errand and then she will be here. Octavia and Raven are helping her” Miller said to him over the music.

“I wonder what that is” Wick commented smiling, he and Raven were now in a relationship after Bellamy had introduced them a few months before and the pair seemed smitten with each other.

“God knows with those three” Bellamy chuckled wondering what the girls were up to. He glanced around and could see all of his friends from the Navy celebrating with their friends and family. Bellamy felt no sense of sadness that his Navy days were over. He had a better life to look forward to, a normal life to be a good boyfriend, brother and father. And hopefully one day a good teacher.

Jasper, Monty and Murphy joined the group “Clarke or Raven here yet?” Murphy asked Bellamy

“No she is running an errand with Raven apparently” Bellamy replied

“Funny, that is exactly what Harper, Maya and Emori said as well” Monty commented

“Seems like your better halves are up to something lads” Miller smirked as he passed over more drinks

Bellamy glanced around when he noticed his sister pause at the door, he looked again as he was fairly certain she was dressed in Navy attire. Bellamy was about to head over when he spotted Lincoln at the DJ stand grab a microphone and attempt to get people’s attention as the music stopped.

“So everyone, this is a special event as after 10 years, Arkadia’s top Navy boys are leaving. I had the honour of being one of the group before injury forced me out of the Navy after only four years but you guys are still my group. Of course, we also had our fabulous former medic Clarke Griffin who knew how to control the lot of you” Lincoln paused and smiled as Miller called out “Especially Bellamy”

Lincoln continued

“Now I am glad you mentioned Bellamy. I am pleased to say that Bellamy became my brother – in – law as he introduced me to his little sister Octavia who is now my world. We recently welcomed a son Blake and Bellamy is the best uncle our little boy could wish for. He is also an amazing father to his own little girl Lilly and the lucky guy who snared Clarke. I know there was a lot of competition for her but Bellamy wore her down with his charms in the end.

Bellamy joined at the same time as all of us, he however, showed what bravery, protectiveness of family – your group become your family, honour for your country and being a mother hen could earn him the top rank amongst the group. Bellamy has been a credit to this team and without him, I know the struggles war has thrown at the group has caused issues.

The guys who served along Bellamy all elected him for the highest honour, the person of the regiment. I am pleased to say his accreditation was approved by the powers above and I am delighted to announce this to Bellamy.”

Bellamy looked around as the guys cheered him, embarrassed but proud they considered him worthy of the group accreditation awarded once a group disbanded or moved on.

“Well done Bellamy, now I think you are all of mixed feelings. I know I was when I left. Happy to be able to have a normal life, be with your family and friends full time, but also a sense of loss that the Navy life you have lived for a long time has come to an end. Enjoy tonight lads, I will let you get on now but here is to a good future for you all” Lincoln raised his glass and the whole room shared his toast.

Bellamy glanced back towards the door and noticed Clarke and her friends come in. He smiled when he took into account that she and the girls were all decked out in Navy uniforms, Bellamy hadn’t seen Clarke wear hers for years and suddenly remember how much he had enjoyed seeing her in it before. Clarke made her way towards him and slipped her arms around his neck as Bellamy thread his around her waist and pulled her close to him.

“I was wondering why you were late but now I see why” Bellamy smiled as he lent down to kiss her

“Do you like it? I thought it would be suitable seeing as it is our group leaving for good” Clarke murmured against him lips

“It is perfect princess; I love you” Bellamy replied twirling her in time with the music as Clarke giggled

“Love you more Bell”

***

After several hours of spending time with their friends, dancing and drinking, Bellamy snuck Clarke out so they could walk down to the beach hand in hand. Clarke had tossed off her heels and was paddling through the waves in bare feet. Bellamy stopped her so they could watch the late summer sunset over the water. He wrapped his arms around her waist so he could pull her back against his chest and gently rested his head on her shoulder.

Clarke moved her arm up so she could rest her hand in Bellamy’s curled and he sighed into her touch. Bellamy could still remember what it felt like to not have her in his life and he savoured their time together.

“I love you so much princess” He murmured into her ear

“I love you to Bell, I keep thinking that we will all be living together as a proper family tomorrow. I cannot wait”

“Me neither”

“I heard the speech Lincoln gave, I am so proud of you”

“Little embarrassing though”

“You deserve it Bell, don’t let it go, be proud of it”

“I am I promise”

“One problem though, with Lincoln’s speech”

“What was that then?”

“He referred to you as my boyfriend”

“Well I was the lucky one to snag you from the competition regardless of the fact you are my bossy princess”

“Bell! I meant I would prefer you were referred to as my husband”

“What are you saying princess?”  
“I am saying marry me Bell”

Bellamy span her around so she was facing him. Clarke looked at him nervously but she smiled.

“I mean it Bell, marry me”

“You sure?”

“More than, please Bell, when you proposed my answer was quicker”

“Patience is a virtue princess” Bellamy bent down to kiss her gently “But you know my answer is yes”

Clarke squeaked and Bellamy pulled her up in to his arms as he spun her round and pulled her in close so Bellamy could hug her to him tightly.

Later they sat in the sand, arms wrapped around each other and watching the sea. Bellamy was happier than he had been in years. He had removed Clarke’s engagement ring from his pocket and finally it was back on her ring finger. Clarke would be his wife finally and they would be the family Bellamy longed for.

February 2019

Bellamy sat down on the steps of the hotel in which his wedding reception was being set up. He was taking a moment before he joined in again with the amazing chaos that was his wedding. Six months on from Clarke’s proposal, Bellamy and Clarke had finally married on Valentine’s Day, technically their first anniversary. They had a simple ceremony with their family and close friends, Lilly was their flower girl and was busy pulling Raven around. Bellamy smiled watching his little princess pull Raven around in her bridesmaid dress.

Bellamy’s looked out at his friends and family, happy to see everyone he cared the most about surrounding him and Clarke. Bellamy’s line of sight settled on his wife (He couldn’t believe he could finally say it) as she chatted with her mother Abby. Bellamy took in again just how stunning she looked in her simple lace dress with long sleeves, her blonde curls gently pulled back. Clarke noticed him looking at her and smiled at him. Bellamy stood up and walked over to the group sliding his arm around his wife. Abby politely excused herself so the couple were on their own.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?” Bellamy murmured into her ear

“A couple of times” Clarke joked back “You look pretty good yourself”

“Thank you Mrs Blake”

“I cannot believe I am finally that, I am the same as you and Lilly now”

“You always have been princess”

“Thank you for giving me another chance Bell”

Bellamy glanced down at Clarke, noticing the tears suddenly form in her eyes. He gently wiped them away with his thumb and pulled her closer to him.

“Princess, remember what we said? That is the past ok, we were both at fault. All that matters is now. I love you, you love me, we both have Lilly, we have a good future ok?” Bellamy bent down to kiss her as Clarke nodded at him in agreement.

A few hours later Bellamy stood up ready to give his toast after they had all eaten the wedding breakfast. Lilly was lying flat out asleep on a chair next to Clarke and Bellamy just smiled at his two princesses.

“Thank you every one. You will all know I hate public speaking but my wife – that sounds good – but my wife insisted we had speeches today so I will try and keep this brief.

I met Clarke seven years ago through my sister Octavia. Octavia told me her friend was special and it turned out for once, my sister was right. From the moment I met Clarke, I was gone and I have never felt the connection I have with Clarke with anyone else. I was on three weeks’ leave from the Navy at the time and I literally spent every second of those three weeks with Clarke. She changed my world and by the time I said good bye to her for a tour, I already knew I was in love with her.

Clarke is and was my whole life, I would do anything for this girl and I know that the feeling for her is mutual.

Like any loving couple, we have had our problems. We did split up and I am lucky enough that Clarke and I were able to come back together. I believe that she is my soulmate if there is such a thing and we are truly lucky to have a second chance together. Clarke is the love of my life, my princess, and I am so proud to be able to call her my wife.

Of course, I couldn’t make this speech without the other main connection I share with Clarke and that is our little girl Lilly. Please don’t let the asleep angel act fool you, she has certainly inherited her mother’s ability to wrap me around her little finger. Lilly reminds me so much of Clarke from the way she bosses me around, the big grin when she is happy, her ability to paint as well as being the spitting image of her mother apart from the eyes.

I didn’t have much of a family life as a child as my parents both died young, it was just me and O and I planned that I would be there for any child I ever have. The families that me and O now have been what I had longed for as a child and I wouldn’t change my family for anything. Today has just made what Clarke and I had official.

I would like to thank everybody for coming, for Miller being my best man and best mate through 10 long Navy years, to Octavia and Raven for being bridesmaids and to all of our friends and family for sharing our special day. We are so grateful you could share it with you.

Finally, Clarke, you are the love of my life, I will ensure I meet every single vow we shared today although I cannot promise I won’t tease and argue with you at times. I will be there whenever you need me, I will try and make you smile when you are down and be there to share the laughs with you. I promise you to be the best for you and Lilly that I can be and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you princess, so much, thank you for becoming my wife”

Bellamy finished with Clarke standing up and throwing her arms around him. He pulled her in close so he could hug her. Bellamy bent down and gently kissed her head whilst looking around at his friends and family.

Bellamy was at peace, Bellamy was happy, Bellamy was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfiction. I haven't written for a long time so I don't know if this will be any good. Any comments would be appreciated. The first chapter is a little different but I thought a good way of setting the scene.


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